Thursday, March 5, 2009

Light vs. Dark Skin

I was having a conversation the other day with one of my female friends (who is dark skinned)about how all the guys she dates or is attracted to are light skinned. Now I don't really know if this is the case but it does seem like with her there is a heavy preference towards light skinned men. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. We all have our preferences. Some people like tall people, or people under a certain weight. I'm not any different. My issue is with people who subconsciously think that people of a certain hue might be better than people of another complexion.

I've dated women all across the color spectrum. I believe in the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice, but I also have love for the light skinned sisters. Being a darker skinned brother and a 1st generation Nigerian, I heard all the black and African jokes growing up. As I grew older I learned to love my complexion as well as my "African" features. What is it that makes us want to identify with Caucasian features? What makes us think that straight, silky hair (Caucasian feature) is "pretty" hair while kinky, curly hair (African feature) is bad hair? Is it subconscious self hatred?
Dimwitted people like Young Berg are given public forums to spew all types of hatred. This is a quote from the plastic selling artist himself.

“I’m kinda racist…I don’t like dark butts…You know how some women prefer
light skin men or dark skin men...It’s rare that I do dark butts – that’s what I
call dark skinned women…I [don’t date women] darker than me."
Things just got “better” from there as he went on to say, “I love the pool test. If you can jump in the pool exactly like you are and you don’t come out looking better than you looked before going in the pool – then that’s not a good look. Any woman that
uses brown gel to set down her baby hair is not poppin.”

Click for full article.

"A topic that is very dear to me and strikes me is African-Americans not
embracing their self as a whole. Ever since the early days of slavery, many
people have felt that their skin color is ugly. Time after time after time,
white people perception of superiority and desecration of the Africans skin
color has made for people to dismiss themselves as beautiful. When something is
black, it is dirty and has negative connotation and for white people to call us
that over four centuries, we start to believe it."


Miss Davis said...

you know this is one of these topics that one will never truly understand. I don't think people are honest with themselves about this topic so how can they be honest with you!

I personally don't get the obession with skin color, hair etc.

Mama said...

Tell it!

Anonymous said...

of course it stems from slavery. the lighter you were the more priviledges u received. the lighter u were the easier u could pass for white and live a life with out all the torment and hardship. if u were dark u would envy those people...both men and women. something that still permeates the african-american community to now we have no idea y we hold european features to a higher standard of beauty. i guess it's a trained behavior or train of thought. sucks, but how it was, is pretty much how it is now. kind of a self-hatred inflicted on a group of people due to how the "system" worked. OH WELL!

tutu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tutu said...

hmmm...where to begin?!! I just don't get it. I're never gonna be everyone's type...I get that and respect people's preferences (hell..I have my own).

The question really becomes: How much do you play into that ignorance by believing it yourself...assuming that the chick next to you got more attention b/c she was lighter...maybe that's the reason...or maybe she had an amazing personality, cuter face, and bangin body (maybe :-)). Or...maybe people aren't hating on you b/c your light...maybe you just have a shitty personality and people don't like you (maybe :-)).
Hmm...crazy talk.

Let the young bergs of the world continue to sambo for em....watching their ignorance has actually become comical. The rest of us just need to focus on living our lives authentically and positively.

Blah Blah Blah said...

I've stopped hanging out with girlfriends because of thier views on lite-skinned women.
All kinds of misconceptions come into play...oh Blah, you'll never had a problem with finding a man being lite skin with long hair...
The fuck???!!!

First off, don't judge me because of how I turned out, as if this is the me I shopped for in the gene pool...I was born this way, ass!!!
Don't think because I am lite with long hair that I haven't been the one left out. I once had a man who said I was the lightest women he dated and that when we first started going out that he felt embarrassed to go out with me...

Good hair bad hair...get thee eff out of here...because as women we are programmed to never be satisified with ourselves anyway...why add to it.

And men that prefer lite skin....well...if that is your preference I can't knock it but if you are stupid about it, I may say some words...
My ass backwards cousin told me at a family bbq that lite skinned women were "better" than dark skinned women... I verbally slapped the shit out of him and reminded him that his grandmother who he loved dearly was black as tar...and that all of his uncles who he learned from and looked up to were all dark skinned...and that his baby-mother was a smooth dark chocolate and that he chose her...was just a sign of how eff'd up his thinking was.
Then I quietly sat my yellow ass down... My cousin sucks and people that think as he too.

Tunde said...

Miss Davis- You're right. People aren't honest with themselves. Some people want to believe that they don't feel that way. The first step is to admit that you have a problem. lol.

ellana- I figured thats where this ideology stemmed from. Its a shame that 400 plus years later it still effects the way we think and interact with each other. smh.

tutu- Speak for yourself. I'm everyone's type. lol. j/k but seriously I feel you. You can't change the way other people think so why waste your time trying.

blah- I can't do anything but shake my head at your cousin. Also, I don't know if it came across in my post but I'm sure light skinned women get hated on as well but I really can't relate to that. :-)

Anonymous said...

To assume that someone is 'better' because of something as simple as skin tone is just pure ignorant-therefore if you believe that I wouldn't give you the time of day. If people can't accept the color of your skin something that you have no control over then don't let that bother you-love yourself and keep it moving.

miss-b. said...

this issue definately stems back to slavery. i mean, just think about titles given to us like "house" and "field" negros. or even in the 60's, with sororities, where they condoned things like the "brown paper bag test". it's ridiculous. and to think, this is the type of shit we do to eachother.

as far as preferences go, we all have them. hell, i have them. they might not be with complexions [a fine man is a fine man - period] but, physicaly, i like my men 6'1+ with a nice build. lol. there's nothing wrong with that.

there's a difference between having a preference and being ignorant though. thinking that one is better than the other is just sad and i take pity on anyone who feels that way. young berg... [sigh]. that's why he has no career.

"I've dated women all across the color spectrum. I believe in the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice, but I also have love for the light skinned sisters."

i respect that and that's exactly how it should be.

Tunde said...

miss-b: as far as preferences, i think that we all have them and they are as different as we are as individuals. i wonder why most women don't like men that are not a certain height (diffrent for each woman).

miss-b. said...

well, i'm 5'8. i'm a girly girl. like most women, i have a shoe fetish. a sexy 4 inch heel just does something to me. with that said, on a nice night out, i'm about 6'0. i just prefer not to look down on whoever i'm dating. lol. i'm not knocking brothers under the 6'1 mark though. i've dated men my height, 5'9, 5'10, etc.

Tunde said...

damn it must suck to be a woman. lol. that drastically cuts your dating pool. i'm 6'6", so my height preference is 5'2"-6'. i just don't want a woman who can look me in the eye. lol.

miss-b. said...

lmao! if i were a male, at 6'6, i wouldn't want any women being able to look me in my eye either.

i actually haven't don't that bad. though i have made exceptions, most were on average about 6'0-6'1.

you're lucky. i've never ever came across a female who didn't want a tall guy.

Tunde said...

i know plenty of women who exclusively date short men. wait. no i don't. lol.


I’m happy you posted this, and yes, this has ALL stemmed from slavery. Unfortunately, it’s not going to change over night, but one thing I noticed, is I hear some people who are becoming educated & enlightened, and hopefully seeing positive beautiful black people, from every nationality and color spectrum, representing in everything, will help erase, little by little, shackle, by shackle, some of the damage that was ingrained in our psyche’s over 4 centuries.

Growing up, I always wanted to be either really dark, or really light. Instead I was in the middle. It was hard, because as a young’n, most of the guys wanted a light skinned girl, or a dark skinned girl....I was neither

On the flip side, as a young’n I was average size/build for my age, but guess what, there was a guy who said he preferred “bigger” women, and that I wasn’t his type...

So yes everyone has a preference. What bothers me is when people are too ignorant, unaccepting, or unwilling to accept people as they are. Or when people degrade or down a whole race, based on skin color, or features or attributes. I hate when people have a beautiful dark skinned mother, but they say they don’t date dark skinned or black women (True story, this black guy I met, refused to date black women, but he claimed he loved his mom, I just didn’t get it)

Since my young days I have grown to love my skin, lips, hips, thighs, butt (yes, I’m in love with myself ;) and everything I have been blessed with, including my curly, kinky hair.

We need to preach self love at an early age, and make sure that “generations” to come, understand how beautiful they every color spectrum.