Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Why Not Me?

Once in awhile,
Right in the middle of an ordinary life,
Love gives us a fairy tale.
~ by Anonymous ~

Yesterday while chatting with two of my friends from school (both women) they started talking about their feelings towards the movie Just Wright which stars Common and Queen Latifah. I haven't watched the movie but you can read this review. Also from what I gather from the movie it has a cookie cutter story line but it's still "cute" and the ending is predictable.

Correct me if I'm wrong in the comments section but it goes something like this: Common is on top of the world as a basketball player and his girl (Paula Patton) is his arm candy/fiancée until he gets hurt. Patton who sees her meal ticket running dry dumps him. Queen Latifah gives him the confidence to come back from his injury to play again. Once back in the league Common is back on top of the world and Patton comes back telling him she made a mistake by leaving him. Common takes her back and leaves Queen Latifah high and dry although they have feeling for each other. Common has a sort of epiphany where he realizes the one he truly wants and needs is Queen Latifah, then he makes some sort of grand gesture to show his love for her.

The same type of grand romantic gesture that is littered across black romantic comedies. Hell in most romantic movies period.

This is where my friends asked me why guys why situations like this don't happen in real life. Why don't women ever get that fairy tale ending? The example they cited was in Love and Basketball when Sanaa Lathan played Omar Epps one-on-one for his heart and he beat her. He then asked her to play again, "Double or Nothing." If you don't remember the scene, here is a cilp:

Remember that quote I put at the beginning of this post? If you don't scroll back up (don't worry I'll wait). Now shit like that doesn't happen in real life. For a gesture that grand to made there would have to lots of drama and turmoil surrounding a relationship in the first place. I bet all the women's hearts in the theater skipped a beat during that last scene but they probably failed to realize how much turbulence their relationship endured before it came to the climatic moment. Before women ask themselves why they never experience moments like this they should ask themselves would they be willing to deal with the farce it takes to get to that point.

Let me give you an example of the conversation that would occur if something that happened in Love and Basketball happened in real life:

-Melissa: "Hey girl let me tell you what happened last night with me and Dontrell."
-Bonquisha: "I thought y'all broke up?!"
-Melissa: "Yeah we did. But despite all that happened between us I know we still love each other, so we got some drinks and went to the pool hall. Do you know what this corny n*99a asked me?"
-Bonquisha: "Ohhhh what he say girl?"
-Melissa: "He gonna talk about, "Can I play you for your heart?"
-(as they both bust out laughing) Bonquisha: "Girl that n*99a is wack, you should just go ahead with James. He's not on all that romantical stuff."

Ok, this situation is a little exaggerated but I seriously doubt grand gestures of romanticism go over so well in real life. Trust me I know from personal experience. I would think that women would want a relationship with less drama and a man who wouldn't have to make grand gestures every once in a while because he showed her how much he loved her everyday. I could be wrong though. How about y'all? Ladies do you want sweeping displays of romanticism from your man? Fellas, are you into fairy tale endings?


Ashley said...

yayyyy I'm 1st!1st the names in the mock convo are he-fuckin-larious! 2nd I think that most women equate the fairy tale ending ie "him goin all out" as an example of him caring or a display of how far he is willing to go to have her. Personally I think stuff like that is annoying ALL the time,but random corny gestures are always appreciated.3rd I know A LOT of females who put up with A LOT of drama and never get the ending that they think "all their hard work" will bring(put thats a different blog post). and for the record I thought the scene was corny,but if I was in her shoes my ass woulda been right there playing some damn b-ball to get my man,lol!

Ms. Sylaneous said...

Bonquisha, Tunde? LOL really? Anyway...

I might be out in left field (as I've learned that I tend to linger there- usually alone), BUT grand acts of romanticism I'm sure are most certainly always welcomed. True- like in movies, the drama leading to it would be retarded though.
If you wanna 'play me for my heart'... I'm game! If you wanna rent a huge ass bill board in Times Square to announce your love for me- that's cool. (Who WOULDN'T want that?)If you wanna do all of that- that's super cool, but I would be just as happy with a scaled down, more personal, CHEAPER expression!
I think sometimes we (both men and wome) may actually over thing stuff. I mean why jump alllll the way up the the grand acts of romanticism? Personally, I'll appreciate the tiny random acts of interest, intent, and appreciation. For me- that can be a simple 'good morning call' (or text I guess). Hey- how bout flowers just because? Or what about a sweet card from time to time? Or that back rub/massage that isn't designed JUST as an initiation to sex...LOL *shrugs* I don't know though- maybe that's me... LOL and maybe me wanting and expecting little stuff like that is why I tend to have THE WORST luck with guys. Should I change my ways and keep up some drama to get the grand act of romanticism? Hmmm...

Ms. Sylaneous said...

(haha 2 posts 1 minute apart and both FIRST comment was on the names! LOL too funny)

MissAJ said...

I would like to piggyback off what Ms. Sylaneous stated....I am a true southern/country gal and I appreciate the small/simple, yet meaningful gestures from a man. There is nothing wrong with GRAND acts of romanticism every now and then, as long as they are done from the heart and not for show. Alot of guys like to "show off" or try to out do what their friends are doing, and if this is the case, I'd rather not have it at all.

Reina said...

Bonquisha? I can't with you this morning. LOL

Personally, I believe in fairy tales because I see happy couples every day. I think we've grown so pessimistic that even when we see a couple in true love, we search for the smallest hint that it is false. My guy calls me a sucker for happy endings, and that's true. Nonetheless, he still texts me each day just to find out how it's going and puts me to bed each night. That's all the romance I need.

But I have to say you mentioned how women may think such gestures are corny, but so do some men.

Streetz said...

LMAOOO at the names!

I don't believe in fairytale endings. I did once, but not anymore hahaha...

You can't bank on this in real life. Just approach every situation logically and smart and you should eb fine.

Alexis said...

As always. Very insightful. Got me thinking early this morning. Grand gestures are okay. But as the women
before me have stated, the little things ate just as good. I can't even count the number of times that a random text message that read, "hey" made me smile. It really doesn't take much. But a little attention is always appreciated.

PS - that convo was ridiculous. Lol

tisha said...

I don't believe the two are mutually exclusive. Yes, I want him to show his love for me every day, in the ways that he knows mean something to me--even if not to anyone else. There remains, however, room for "grandiose displays" when appropriate. Cuz...real talk? Sometimes ya'll mess the heck up (and yes, so do we). A grandiose display might make alllll of that go away quicker (allowing for the fact, of course, that it means nothing if you're not sincere). I think there's SOME truth to it, though; after all, the best movies, imo, have some tangible facets of real life in them. :)

max said...

I think that women should be banned from watching romantic movies until they pass a test that proves they can handle it. This stuff messes up women's expectations of their man's behaviour. It drives me nuts! I'm constantly having to tell my girls "life is not a movie". No one is riding up to your fire escape on a white horse to declare his love.

Smarty P. Jones said...

LMAO @ Bonquisha. Um, I think romantic comedies and Disney fairy tales got girls and women all f$%ked up. I mean, I'm not jaded, but I am realistic.
We don't get those grandiose gestures because it's a lot of work. And y'all know folks ain't about that much work do do anything that people might perceive as corny or whatever. Plus, women are so skeptical, we'll think that you did some foul shit to be trying to make up for it that big.
It's little things that women care about, but you can't very well have a movie full of the "little things" because that would be boring as all hell and nobody would go see it.

Ms. Minx said...

I hate you for that Bonquisha crap, I do. Anyway,
I agree that grandiose gestures are a bit...much.
I prefer the little things...texts/phone calls, remembering "the little things" rather than diamond rings and billboards (although once in a while those are a nice surprise).

In essence, what tisha said. LOL

Anonymous said...

Why don't women ever get that fairy tale ending?

It induces the gag reflex.

Ms. Camile said...

I'm laughing at all these comments. i agree with Ms.Sylaneous and I'm lol @Max and the Anon. commentor. I LOVE romantic movies, I LOVED Just Wright and I love the wonderful feelings they bring. BUT I know that love is rarely a fariy tale, quite the opposite so I do not expect a grand gesture but small consistent reminders of his love are nice.

But I agree that the sistuation would be crazy in order for the whole fairy tale thing to work after he messes up. But give us some credit! Women take a LOT of stuff off of men and we give many chances (some of us). SOme guys are jsut too lazy to work for what they say they want. Even when THEY mess up, they want to half booty apologize and expect us to come running back. *ANNNNT* goes the buzzer and talk to the hand lol


Maya said...

Ashley basically said everything that I was going to say, but I'll share anyway.

I think my biggest issue is with the seemingly lost art of romance in today's society. Even listening to the radio, you hear guys bragging about how many girls they're going to smash, what sexual favors are required in order to receive any romantic gestures, etc, etc. What happened to the Luthers and Al Greens (minus the grits thing LOL)? I think guys seem to be so focused on trying to please each other, via bragging and whatever men do, that the fine art of romance is being lost in relationships. And then we get the side-eye for sighing over the screen portrayals of "corny" things like a man going out of his way such as running after a train in Love Jones, biting his hand in Breaking All the Rules, stampeding into a radio station in Brown Sugar, etc, etc. I'm just saying, the surprise, random corny gesture would be nice within reason. Not the corny, call-you-every-day-on-the-hour "I was just thinking about you", bug-a-boo type of corny. Just something to let us hopeless romantics know that we still have a chance :-).

A. Gabrielle said...

I think a large part of the reason why these acts of romanticism don't happened is because we assume that they won't. For this generation, retweeting a love song lyric is about as romantic as it gets. And that's because when a guy does do something romantic or steps out on a limb, his friends clown him. Women are so used to being treated badly or hearing about other women being treated badly that they don't even know how to accept acts of romance.

I think if everybody just took a second out of every day to try to make their significant other try to feel special, we'd all feel a little more romantic. But for now, I guess we'll just have to settle for some romantic tweets. Lol.

(Stumbled upon your blog from another...will be back to read again!)