Sunday, May 16, 2010

She's Not That Into You


When I first got into the dating game I had a problem. I liked girls but I never seemed to know when/if they liked me back. If I liked a girl I would take gestures of kindness as tokens of affection only to discover that they were just being friendly. Sometimes the signs of disinterest are blatant and sometimes they can be vague. Here are some signs that you can look for if you're interested in a woman you're not sure if she likes you.

~She uses words like homie, buddy, etc. when referring to you. If a woman uses such words when speaking to me, that automatically let's me know her level of attraction towards me.

~She never lets you do her any favors – or she repays them immediately. This is a sign she knows you’re into her, and she doesn't want to feel indebted or obligated to you. Why? Because that could make her feel like she owes you something.

~She doesn't ask questions about you or your life. Anything she knows, you've had to offer the information. Sharing what is happening in your life, your interests begins to feel futile in your attempts.

~She talks about other men. Unless it’s Idris Elba, or someone equally famous and unattainable, her talk about other men should cause you some concern. She's clearly on the lookout for someone besides you, and this is a not-so-subtle way of letting you know that.

~She always brings her friends. Similarly , if you can’t get her to come out for some one-on-one time, there’s probably something wrong. There’s very little room for romantic "maneuvering" when she has her friends with her, which is why this is one of the signs she’s not interested in you.

~Her body language is stiff, not open to you. When a woman is interested, her body language is warm and welcoming. She stands in close proximity to you, wanting to be near.

If the woman of your desire displays any of these behaviors towards you then it's probably safe to bet she's probably not that into you. Have you ever been into a chick that you were sure was into you only to find out she only sees you as her "pal"?

12 comments:

Ms. Camile said...

I really like your blog. I forget who's blog I was visiting when I found yours. I think Single Black Man...*shrugs*

Anyway, you are right on! My BOSS (of all people) freaking likes me and I'm doing ALL of these things that you mentioned above (accept talking about other men because I don't want him knowing ANY of by business)n but he just doesn't get it or he just doesn't care and this is a problem! Idk what to do. Thank God it's a temporary position.

Dating can be fun but people should really pay attention to the "signs". It could make everything so much easier.

~Cam

Tunde said...

thanks a lot. :-D

you're boss liking you like that is a recipe for disaster. harassment anyone?

Shemika S said...

Lol this blog is very true. I thought this was an unspoken thing but sometimes when emotions get involved or you crushing real hard logic goes out the window. We have a tendency to misread signs and look right past red flags. I vote next blog topic 'He's just not that into you' :-)

max said...

I want to print this out and distribute it to men everywhere. It's so hard to get a man to clue in to these subtle cues that we're not feeling him...and I hate having to come out and say it.

JStar said...

So on point!!!

AlooFar said...

iAgree.

Kurt Watson said...

Lol, funny post! I have always gotten the hint when women use words like homie, buddy, pal, friend, bro, etc. This is definitely a red flag that she is not interested in anything more than a platonic relationship.

As far as you last point..."Her body language is stiff, not open to you" ....I used to confuse this in my younger days that maybe she was nervous. How quickly I learned that this wasn't the case. lol.

This happened to me fairly recently. The young lady text me after hours saying she wants to hang out because her friends had bailed on their planned night out. So after a couple drinks and few hours hanging out I went in for the peck. REJECTION...like Dwight Howard on somebody going for a weak left handed layup (lol). Was I wrong to assume she was slightly interested when she text me at an indecent hour wanting to hang out?

Tunde said...

@Shemika: i think i'll do that post soon. i prob know more about that subject than this one.

@max: sometimes you really have no choice but to come out and say it especially if you've been sending mixed signals (read kurt's comment).

@kurt: based on the details that you provided i would have thought at the very least she was feeling me as well. mixed signals like that just cause me to shake my head.

dutch84 said...

Yea...I think reading between the signs is a skill that many of us need to brush up on. I'm guilty of reading more into something than is there as well as not acknowledging when there is the potential for a relationship. This is great!

Kish said...

Ok....I had to respond to this one...espeically Kurt bc ole girl disappoints me...if you would've texted her after hours, she would've thought you were trying to get in her pants....smh @her. *sigh*....

DCBuppie said...

What is so interesting about this is I am almost always confused about Men. I never know. Wish folks could be more direct.

Bombchell said...

yup! she doesnt ask about you!