The repose of sleep refreshes only the body. It rarely sets the soul at rest. The repose of the night does not belong to us. It is not the possession of our being. Sleep opens within us an inn for phantoms. In the morning we must sweep out the shadows.
This is how I would define intimacy. The feeling or atmosphere of closeness and openness towards someone else, not necessarily involving sexuality. This last part is essential to my definition of intimacy. Before I got any further I want to thank my friends, Kyzzie and Maya for the blog idea. They read but hardly ever comment. o_0
If you were to take a poll of 100 people asking them what intimacy means to them I would bet the shoe string in my left sneaker that at least 80 people would say that it involved a sexual relationship or sexual relations between a man and woman.
If you've read this blog before then you know how much I like sex. I don't try to hide that fact. I like sex just as much as I like music, food or basketball. That means I like it a lot. I also know the importance of sex in a relationship and to me bad sex can be a deal breaker. With that being said I think that there is too much emphasis placed on sex. So much so that the art of intimacy is dying off. Yes I (a man) just said that in our over-sexed society the establishment of friendship and having mutual interests or affections is lost. Let that sink in for a moment.
Yesterday on twitter I asked this question:
Fellas, would you ever consider being in a relationship with a woman you never had sex with?
The reason I asked males for their answers is because the general perception is that men are the ones who have issues with intimacy and are sex-crazed. By the way if you believe that this is only a male-driven issue then I have a some beach front property in Kansas to sell you. The responses I got ranged from hell no to perhaps if I was back in the 11th grade. Then I got this response from one of my female followers:
I really had to think about that one for a while but I think I would. It would have to be the right circumstances and with the right person. Also the fact that sex would eventually be introduced into the relationship would have to be understood because let's face it, I'm not going to marry someone who I've never slept with.
Honestly speaking I don't think I've entered into a relationship with a woman that I slept with before actually getting to be her friend first and getting to know her on a more "intimate" level. So women here's some advice. Next time you're contemplating sleeping with that guy you like think about if he would stick around if you DIDN'T give him some. If not then I doubt you're on an "intimate" level.
What does intimacy mean to you? Would you ever be in a relationship that didn't involved sexual intercourse? Would you marry someone without sampling the goods first?