Death of Intimacy

This is how I would define intimacy. The feeling or atmosphere of closeness and openness towards someone else, not necessarily involving sexuality. This last part is essential to my definition of intimacy. Before I got any further I want to thank my friends, Kyzzie and Maya for the blog idea. They read but hardly ever comment. o_0

If you were to take a poll of 100 people asking them what intimacy means to them I would bet the shoe string in my left sneaker that at least 80 people would say that it involved a sexual relationship or sexual relations between a man and woman.

If you've read this blog before then you know how much I like sex. I don't try to hide that fact. I like sex just as much as I like music, food or basketball. That means I like it a lot. I also know the importance of sex in a relationship and to me bad sex can be a deal breaker. With that being said I think that there is too much emphasis placed on sex. So much so that the art of intimacy is dying off. Yes I (a man) just said that in our over-sexed society the establishment of friendship and having mutual interests or affections is lost. Let that sink in for a moment.

Yesterday on twitter I asked this question:

Fellas, would you ever consider being in a relationship with a woman you never had sex with?

The reason I asked males for their answers is because the general perception is that men are the ones who have issues with intimacy and are sex-crazed. By the way if you believe that this is only a male-driven issue then I have a some beach front property in Kansas to sell you. The responses I got ranged from hell no to perhaps if I was back in the 11th grade. Then I got this response from one of my female followers:

Would you?

I really had to think about that one for a while but I think I would. It would have to be the right circumstances and with the right person. Also the fact that sex would eventually be introduced into the relationship would have to be understood because let's face it, I'm not going to marry someone who I've never slept with.

Honestly speaking I don't think I've entered into a relationship with a woman that I slept with before actually getting to be her friend first and getting to know her on a more "intimate" level. So women here's some advice. Next time you're contemplating sleeping with that guy you like think about if he would stick around if you DIDN'T give him some. If not then I doubt you're on an "intimate" level.

What does intimacy mean to you? Would you ever be in a relationship that didn't involved sexual intercourse? Would you marry someone without sampling the goods first?

Revolutions Per Minute

"If skills sold, truth be told, I'd lyrically be Talib Kweli..." ~Jay-Z Moment of Clarity

I told y'all after I posted that Gucci Mane blog post that I would have to redeem myself and do a post on some real music. Well for the past 3 days I've been listening to Reflection Eternal's Revolutions Per Minute (RPM) album non stop. I've always been the type of hip hop fan who listens to lyrics above all else. All that other stuff in my opinion is just filler. This is why I really believe true lyricism is dying off but that's another blog post. Talib Kweli has been a consistent, under rated force in the hip hop game. If you don't respect his skills on the mic then you really don't know music.

I first got interested in the RPM project after hearing the track Just Begun which features J. Cole, Mos Def and Jay Electronica. Anyone who really knows me knows that I'm a huge fan of J. Cole so I was immediately interested. The song did not disappoint. A track featured two heavyweight lyricists and two up and coming artists with no hook. Just straight spitting. I love this track.

After hearing that track I was interested in what the rest of the album might bring. The album presents dope thoughtful lyrics laced upon mellow beats. It covers a broad, diverse range of topics. One track speaks on the evils of the oil trade and how it is destroying the world (my favorite track) to how the hip hop game is dead to a track uplifting women (instead of degrading them). Overall I give the album an A and so far I think it's the best rap/hip-hop album of year. In my opinion, this year so far has only brought disappointment as far as hip hop is concerned. I honestly think this album will be better than Kanye West: Good Ass Job, T.I.: King Uncaged, Eminem: Recovery, and most definitely Drake: Thank Me Later. The only album I hope that this doesn't outshine is Lupe Fiasco: Lasers.

This is my favorite song right here:

And I couldn't leave without letting y'all know some of my favorite lines:

"I build defenses, when I'm left to my devices, time getting suspended more than DMX driver's license, my music is steady not affected by the higher prices, people having sex in the streets like Dionysus." ~ City Playground

"Nigeria is celebrating 50 years of independence, they still feeling the colonial effects of Great Britain's presence." ~Ballad of the Black Gold

"This is a recession, what recession? Dog we been stressing, shit been a mess and we been dealing with this depression since way back. You ain't gotta say that. That's the greatest lesson, slave to our possessions, greed the devil favorite weapon." ~In This World

"Now they on my dick, I should throw a condom on cuz a nigga coming raw like I ain't got one on." (J. Cole) ~Just Begun

Why Not Me?

Once in awhile,
Right in the middle of an ordinary life,
Love gives us a fairy tale.
~ by Anonymous ~

Yesterday while chatting with two of my friends from school (both women) they started talking about their feelings towards the movie Just Wright which stars Common and Queen Latifah. I haven't watched the movie but you can read this review. Also from what I gather from the movie it has a cookie cutter story line but it's still "cute" and the ending is predictable.

Correct me if I'm wrong in the comments section but it goes something like this: Common is on top of the world as a basketball player and his girl (Paula Patton) is his arm candy/fiancée until he gets hurt. Patton who sees her meal ticket running dry dumps him. Queen Latifah gives him the confidence to come back from his injury to play again. Once back in the league Common is back on top of the world and Patton comes back telling him she made a mistake by leaving him. Common takes her back and leaves Queen Latifah high and dry although they have feeling for each other. Common has a sort of epiphany where he realizes the one he truly wants and needs is Queen Latifah, then he makes some sort of grand gesture to show his love for her.

The same type of grand romantic gesture that is littered across black romantic comedies. Hell in most romantic movies period.

This is where my friends asked me why guys why situations like this don't happen in real life. Why don't women ever get that fairy tale ending? The example they cited was in Love and Basketball when Sanaa Lathan played Omar Epps one-on-one for his heart and he beat her. He then asked her to play again, "Double or Nothing." If you don't remember the scene, here is a cilp:

Remember that quote I put at the beginning of this post? If you don't scroll back up (don't worry I'll wait). Now shit like that doesn't happen in real life. For a gesture that grand to made there would have to lots of drama and turmoil surrounding a relationship in the first place. I bet all the women's hearts in the theater skipped a beat during that last scene but they probably failed to realize how much turbulence their relationship endured before it came to the climatic moment. Before women ask themselves why they never experience moments like this they should ask themselves would they be willing to deal with the farce it takes to get to that point.

Let me give you an example of the conversation that would occur if something that happened in Love and Basketball happened in real life:

-Melissa: "Hey girl let me tell you what happened last night with me and Dontrell."

-Bonquisha: "I thought y'all broke up?!"

-Melissa: "Yeah we did. But despite all that happened between us I know we still love each other, so we got some drinks and went to the pool hall. Do you know what this corny n*99a asked me?"

-Bonquisha: "Ohhhh what he say girl?"

-Melissa: "He gonna talk about, "Can I play you for your heart?"

-(as they both bust out laughing) Bonquisha: "Girl that n*99a is wack, you should just go ahead with James. He's not on all that romantical stuff."

Ok, this situation is a little exaggerated but I seriously doubt grand gestures of romanticism go over so well in real life. Trust me I know from personal experience. I would think that women would want a relationship with less drama and a man who wouldn't have to make grand gestures every once in a while because he showed her how much he loved her everyday. I could be wrong though. How about y'all? Ladies do you want sweeping displays of romanticism from your man? Fellas, are you into fairy tale endings?

She's Not That Into You

When I first got into the dating game I had a problem. I liked girls but I never seemed to know when/if they liked me back. If I liked a girl I would take gestures of kindness as tokens of affection only to discover that they were just being friendly. Sometimes the signs of disinterest are blatant and sometimes they can be vague. Here are some signs that you can look for if you're interested in a woman you're not sure if she likes you.

~She uses words like homie, buddy, etc. when referring to you. If a woman uses such words when speaking to me, that automatically let's me know her level of attraction towards me.

~She never lets you do her any favors – or she repays them immediately. This is a sign she knows you’re into her, and she doesn't want to feel indebted or obligated to you. Why? Because that could make her feel like she owes you something.

~She doesn't ask questions about you or your life. Anything she knows, you've had to offer the information. Sharing what is happening in your life, your interests begins to feel futile in your attempts.

~She talks about other men. Unless it’s Idris Elba, or someone equally famous and unattainable, her talk about other men should cause you some concern. She's clearly on the lookout for someone besides you, and this is a not-so-subtle way of letting you know that.

~She always brings her friends. Similarly , if you can’t get her to come out for some one-on-one time, there’s probably something wrong. There’s very little room for romantic "maneuvering" when she has her friends with her, which is why this is one of the signs she’s not interested in you.

~Her body language is stiff, not open to you. When a woman is interested, her body language is warm and welcoming. She stands in close proximity to you, wanting to be near.

If the woman of your desire displays any of these behaviors towards you then it's probably safe to bet she's probably not that into you. Have you ever been into a chick that you were sure was into you only to find out she only sees you as her "pal"?

Burrr

This mixtape is slept on.

We all have our guilty pleasures. Something that you like and you quite can't put your finger on. It might be bananas and peanut butter sandwiches or Glee (#shots). Seeing as I think I listen to great music and quality artists a lot of people can't understand why I'm a fan of Gucci Mane. I'm always declaring my dislike for artists such as Plies and Ace Hood. Super ignorant lyrics and rappers bother me but for some reason I see Gucci Mane as a comedian who tells jokes to beats. I honestly believe Plies knows better and he just plays on the ignorance of his listeners in order to sell records. He probably doesn't believe most of what he raps about. La Fluer on the other hand cannot fake the type of ignorance he personifies.

Gucci was released from his latest stint today after serving six months for violating his probation. The Atlanta rapper scheduled a press conference early this morning to announce plans for a nationwide tour this July to promote his forthcoming album "The Appeal." In honor of this holiday I've been listening to my Gucci/10-17/So Icey playlist since about 11:30 this morning. Hopefully dude can stay out of jail at least long enough to finish out his tour.

Gresham Road. Bouldercrest. Candler Rd. Zone 6. lol

Oh yeah this post was so facetious and I hope you saw the humor it in. To bring balance to the universe I think I'll do a Common or Reflection Eternal post next week.

With that I leave you with some of my favorite tracks Gucci (with key Gucci quotable) is featured on:

Bricks- "95 Air Max cuz I'm a dope runner, ballin like an athlete but got no jumper. It's Bricks!"

Heavy- "yeah I got amigos but they don't bring me tacos, they only bring me kilos but keep that on the d-low."

Beat it Up- "Money never limited, So Icey with benefits my driveway need a passport, all my cars are immigrant."

Superhero- "I cut more girls than Wolverine, I put 6's on my batmobile, Spiderman diamond chain, red, blue same color my rims."

Lemonade- "Canary yellow lemon watch, big bird yellow top, yellow polo, polo, slippers white and yellow polo socks."

Kush Is My Cologne- "I'm inhaling, exhaling it, it makes me more intelligent, I feel like I'm still mailing it, I'm selling it, they smelling it."

Stupid- "Heavy on the licorice, this industry ridiculous, got juice magnificent, I'm not very articulate. "

Do you like ignorant music every now and then or maybe everyday? Am I poisoning my mind by listening to these lyrics? Who is your favorite ignorant rapper?

Twitter Groupies

I spend a lot of time on twitter. I follow maybe 280 people. Some are celebrities but a lot I know in reality. Out of the celebrities that I follow, I do tweet to some when they ask a question or if they say something interesting. If I find that a celebrity doesn't have anything interesting to say, then I'm quick to un-follow. I mostly tweet about music so of the rappers/singers that I do mention I usually use their twitter handle. (looking through my list) Here is a list of celebrities that I follow:

• Talib Kweli
• Janelle Monae
• Dondria
• Vivian Green
• James Harden
• Jeff Green
• Rudy Gay
• Lupe Fiasco
• Naledge (Kidz in the Hall)
• Chad Ochocinco
• J Cole
• Dwight Howard
• Fabolous
• Chuck Inglish (The Cool Kids)
• Kevin Durant
• Phonte
• Wale
• Marsha Ambrosius
• Ludacris
• Keri Hilson

With that said there are numerous celebrities that I used to follow and for one reason or another (probably because they're a lot dumber than I thought they were) I stopped following them:

• Puffy
• Reagan Gomez
• Tia Mowry
• Trey Songz
• Pusha T
• Malice

What really grinds my gears when it comes to some of my followers and celebrities is when they transcend the line between fan and twitter groupie. What defines a twitter groupie you ask? This isn't exactly a science but in fact just my opinion.

-If you tweet to a celebrity more than 6 times a day or 42 times a week (and they never tweet you back), then you might be a twitter groupie.

-If more than 40% of your follow list consists of celebrities you might be a twitter groupie.

-If you genuinely get upset or jealous when you see someone else tweets to your favorite celebrity then you might be a twitter groupie.

-If you send pictures of yourself in compromising positions to celebrities then you might be a twitter groupie.

The hypocrisy that occurs when it comes to groupies is hilarious to me. Especially on Sundays. During "Basketball Wives", it's interesting to see the amount of shade that gets thrown the way of the women on the show for being groupies having relations with NBA players. Some of these same women who bash the "Basketball Wives" will turn around and e-throw their panties at Trey Songz or tell Keri Hilson that they want to Slow Dance with her (yes Twitter groupies can be men as well).

Its actually sad and pathetic when you see a person tweet to a certain celebrity time and time again, day after day in the hopes that they might recognize them and tweet back. Some celebrities have upwards of hundreds of thousands of followers. I have about 450 and even I miss @ replies sometimes. I can imagine how many someone like Fabolous gets every couple of minutes.

I wrote all this to say that a twitter groupie can be just as bad as regular groupie. Maybe worse because if anyone on your timeline follows the same celebrity they can see your shenanigans. If you are offended by this post then you're probably a twitter groupie and take from that what you will.

What Chili Wants

This weekend Nashville experienced record-breaking rain, flooding and deaths. Needless to say I've been stuck in the house for the latter part of the last 36 hours. Because of this I got a chance to completely catch up on my DVR and other shows that came on television. I just finished watching this show, What Chili Wants. Thanks to twitter I've heard various things about this show but I never got a chance to watch it myself. This was completely by choice because I definitely watch the Brandy & Ray-J show (which comes on right after).

Apparently like every other C-list celebrity that's looking for love, VH-1 decided to give her a shot. My immediate thoughts are that Chili is kind of self-righteous and definitely too picky. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with having standards but Tionna (the girl setting her up on dates) picked out a variety of men. Based on the tweets from a lot of the women in my timeline some of these guys seemed like winners and they would love to go on dates with most of them.

In my opinion, Chili's problem is that she has a long check list in her mind of what she wants in a man. Check lists aren't the problem as long as the items on the list are realistic. Nothing is wrong with wanting a partner who is generous, nice, intelligent, ambitious, good with children, etc. When your list starts comprising items such as: can't eat pork, has to be this tall, can't drink at all, etc. you will start to alienate yourself.

My first solution to Chili's issues is that she is LOOKING for a man. Whatever happened to letting a man find you? Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." It says nothing about she who finds a husband. Chili really has the game twisted. Maybe her messing around with Usher has her outlook and perception on dating all messed up (yep #shots).

Second, Chili acts real self-righteous. I'm not saying that she doesn't have the right to be but lets face it. She has stated on her show that she really wants to have another child. Let's run down her statistics. According to Wikipedia, she is 39 years old and a single mother. Personally I just wouldn't be excited about going into a situation with a woman knowing that it would be a ready-made family type thing. At damn near 40, based on child bearing years, she's pretty ancient. She also has a lot of baggage as far as previous relationships in the public eye (Dallas Austin, Usher, Floyd Mayweather and T.J. Holmes). That being said Chili has many flaws just like the men she dates so for her not to even give most of them a chance seems a little sanctimonious.

What Chili Wants is a microcosm of what occurs in society today. I see it on twitter a lot as well with trending topics such as #ICouldNeverDate. Everyone wants to say what they won't put up with and what is wrong with the dating pool that they are exposed to. My advice is to look within yourself first because I guarantee most times the things that you say you won't tolerate, you probably exude. That's just my advice. Rozonda Thomas (or whoever this fits), take it how you will.

***added video***