Sunday, April 25, 2010

The Bet


So this past Saturday Nashville experienced monsoon type weather so I was basically trapped in the house all day. Instead of doing work (because my laptop was trapped in the lab and I wasn't getting drenched) I sat in the house all day and watched movies. First up on my list was Love & Basketball. After that I watched the Wood then I ended the night with The Best Man.

Watching the part of The Wood when the Big Mike, Roland and Slim had the bet had me thinking about when I was a horny teenager. If you don't remember what scene I'm referring to here it is:


I remember when I was a virgin and my friends and I would have conversations about girls and sex. Personally, I was in no rush to lose my virginity. While my teammates and I would have locker talk and they would tell tall tales of their sexual conquests, no one believed me when I told them I was a virgin. Maybe they thought I just didn't want them in my business or maybe they thought I couldn't possibly be a virgin. Either way I was always telling the truth. It wasn't that I was saving myself for marriage but I honestly knew that I wasn't ready to be having sex and based on conversations with my father I knew that it was always going to be there.

It's amazing how much a young man that age can think about sex. As I entered college still a virgin it was basically all I thought about (besides basketball). Still a virgin, I was more reluctant to tell people about my status because at that point people looked at me like a freak of nature (especially being a guy). At this point I often thought on the advice/rules my mother gave me, "focus on your studies, the women will always be there"..."you can't have a girlfriend till you're 19." and I started to wonder why I listened to her.

Flash forward to my first girlfriend. End Virginity. I'm not going to tell you exactly how old I was but it was my 1st semester of my junior year in college. I remember what I was doing right before (at a Sigma probate) and what I did after. Those are all the details I'll reveal. I think I definitely lost my virginity to the right person at the right time. My outlook on sex and relationships (but mostly sex) today were shaped on my experiences with my first girlfriend.

Do you remember your first time? Do you regret losing your virginity to the person you lost it to? Are you still a virgin (I hope not)? How was your first time? Do you remember how simple life was pre-sex?

18 comments:

m said...

My older sister was never much in the advice-giving department, but she did tell me something once that I was glad I listened to: don't lose your virginity to someone you love because he will own you for life.

Without getting into a tonne of detail, my first time was in a van, with a semi-celebrity. It sounds sordid, but it really wasn't. It was actually kinda sweet. He was patient, he made it fun, and he called me the next day. Years later I ran into him at one of his shows and he apologized to me and said that he always felt bad about it. But I don't. It's not for everyone, but it was the right way for me.

Reecie said...

I absolutely remember my first time. I had come close to losing it before but I'm glad it was with the person it was with. It was my first boyfriend too, but I was in high school. life definitely was simpler before sex because I then had to deal with grown up woman issues. In the grand scheme of things I wouldn't have missed out on anything waiting a few years longer. but it is what it is. all my life experiences have shaped me.

Ms. Sylaneous said...

Hmm... the first time... IT WAS PURE COMEDY! LOL As I'm thinking about it to type about it... i'm in tears laughing!... well, on second thought, I won't talk about it much... LOL I will share some of the funny lines that were said during...(LOL OMG!). Him to me- 'Dang, you too short, this ain't how it was on HBO'. Me to him- 'hurry up, Moma em get out the meeting in a few minutes'. LOL Me to him- 'wait...was that the intercom? did they just say my name?' (it was as a matter of fact... our moms were paging us because the meeting was over..and it was time to go home! LOL)

I've often thought about the 'do you regret it' question... And to THIS VERY DAY... I don't know! I was young... and even if I didn't lose it to him at that time, I would have lost it to him a bit later on anyway... He was my first best friend (like... since kids), he was my first boyfriend, my first love and my first sexual partner.

I can say I loved him... I don't regret it being with him, but I wish I had waited... for at least a little while... BUT- he and I always had a good time! Ahhh the comedy of it all...

I think I MIGHT be just as shy, bashful and goofy now as I was then when it comes to sex... I keep tryng to work on it, but oh well... I don't think I'll ever get the 'on HBO/Skinamax/soft porn' kinda seduction moves down! LOL


Awww Tunde... a late bloomer... that's cute! I wish I had known you then... I think I woulda talked THE MOST SHIT (we all know I'm a lotta talk, always have been... I admit that)... and DARED you to try something...LOL (then I woulda probably ran away! LOL)... AND LOL @ your question at the bottom 'are you still a virgin- I hope not' LOL silly!

Komplikated said...

Ahhhh, the first time. smh. Wish it never happened. To answer the question of do I regret it... Definitely!!!!!!! From what I choose to remember (and that is very little) from the incident...Well let me back up. From what I was told my first time would be like (its going to hurt, you probably won't be able to do much, etc), it was nothing like that.

The scene: I had been talking to this guy that I met one summer when I stayed at my granny's house. He was a good 4 years older, and when I look back on it, I'm pretty sure he took advantage of me (angry face). Anywho, I played hookie from school one day and called him over. I don't even know how one thing led to another but it did. And before I knew it, it was over. Now in my mind, I'm thinking "thats it? This is what sex is about?"

Needless to say, I stop seeing him afterwards. I slowly lost contact with him because I was turned off! When I see him around town I act like I don;t know him. Sad I know. And when people ask me about my first, I do not mention him. I claim my second as my first because that time was a true "first" experience. And til this day we are still very good friends.

I do wish I would have known back then what I know now about sex, men, love, etc. I would have waited for it to be with someone i wasn't ashamed of!

Ciara said...

Even though you made it totally awkward for me to say anything at all by saying, "Are you still a virgin? (I hope not)," I guess I will still share a little of my experience. I am still a virgin and like you I was not and still am not in a rush to have sex. My parents were very open about sex when I was younger, but they encouraged me to do well in school. They said sex isn't going anywhere and anytime I had any questions about sex I didn't have any problem talking to them about it. ( I really love that about my parents). They only allowed me to have "friends" up until I was 18. They never wanted me to wait until marriage because they didn't do so themselves. They just wanted me to be responsible and protect myself. Tertiary education was important to them and they didn't want an unexpected pregnancy to distract from my dreams. I totally understood and I am grateful for it looking back, especially after almost losing it and it was a disaster waiting to happen. Now, I am about to go to graduate school. The majority of my friends are sexually active and they are always telling me that I am doing the right thing and they wished they waited. But to be honest, I can't say that I am waiting for marriage. I guess I am waiting for someone that I won't totally regret being totally vulnerable with, especially after waiting this long. In the back of mind, I feel like I don't want to waste my abstinence. Some people tell me that sex is overrated and I should just get it over with. I bet it is and maybe I will lose my virginity tomorrow, next week, or next year, but right now I am content.

Yinkuslolo said...

I'm still one and I'll be a junior next mth. so, I don't think I'll lose it anytime before u did but I'm younger than my peers tho.

I'm not waiting for marriage, it just doesn't feel right to be banging yet.

Peyso said...

I lost mine entirely too young. It was almost traumatizing. There was a full four years between my first and my second. I lost mine at 13 to a 16 yo girl that my cousin (practically a neighborhood pimp)had hooked me up with. I didnt really want to do it but I didnt want to let him down #pause.

Do I regret it? Kind of but I learned to appreciate it alot more because of it.

N.I.A. naturally... said...

I definitely remember. It wasn't with my first college boyfriend. I'm glad I waited as long as I did. I think something was wrong with the water at my HS, b/c I had more than few classmates get preggers while in HS. Though, after I lost it, I had to immediately become a real adult and take care of grown woman things. Not sure if I was really mature enough for all of that at the time.

Reina said...

I remember my first time, and I have no regrets about it. If it hadn't been for that guy, I would've probably been in my 20s by the time it happened. After I lost it, I just remembered thinking "That's it?" What was all the hoopla about then?

Life might have been simpler pre-sex, but it wasn't better. *grins* Not at all.

True2me said...

I remember like yesterday. I also learned that size does matter very early on...LOL Didn't do it for a whole year after that...just wasn't ready yet

Ms.Minx said...

My first time was surprisingly painless and not as embarrassing as I thought it would be. It was with my first love, and sometimes I wish I'd waited, but I don't regret being with that person. We're friends till this day.

I may as well have been a virgin in my Uni days, though. I was in LDRs most of the time, lol. Does that count :oP?

I do sometimes miss the innocent days when things weren't driven by sex, or complicated by sex, but that's the society we're in nowadays, and I just deal with it in my own way without being a slutbag.

Milan said...

I remember my first time. Not going to reveal my age but I definitely don't regret it or the person it was with (we were both virgins at the time). My first boyfriend. I definitely think sex changes/complicates things though. After. Although I had HAD sex...I wasn't interested in being extremely sexually active (if you know what I mean), however, some feel once you do it, you gotta keep up the routine of it all. I was never with that "line of thinking". So yes complications. But no regrets. And like you said each experience shaped who I was/am today.

Sunkissed404 said...

Ha!! Of course I remember. (Side note: Gotta shout you out for being a Sigma..My entire family is either Sigma or Zeta..except for my brother, who crossed as a Q outta nowhere a year ago..My turn is coming:) Anyways, of cooourse I remember. All my friends were off da chain in high school, and I was the little "pure one" doing all the right stuff...or at least trying. I played basketball, ran track, marched in the band, and avoided having any relationships with guys because I knew what it could lead to.

...Then I got to college... Tha plot thickens... It was all my roommie used to do and talk about. I was curious and overwhelmed, but I waited, and waited, and waited. The pursuits were so hard to avoid because guys were coming at me left and right.

Anyways, I waited until I was 21. I was proud of myself, but I didn't think I could wait any longer..I was relieved..(No pun intended)lol, but I wanted to make sure I gave it up to the right person..not some horny lunatic tryna do too much. Wow.

Tunde said...

@Sunkissed404: while i appreciate your shout out, i'm not a sigma. i'm an Omega. :-)

Sunkissed404 said...

Oops, my bad...Oh Goodness...So is my younger bro. He's been the quiet calculated type all his life...When he crossed as am Omega (the tail at that), we were all kinds of trippin' out. He was in his last semester of school, and I noticed him looking all scrubby and hungry and stuff...Then, it happened. I guess he showed us!

Tunde said...

@Sunkissed404: its cool. lol Omega and a tail at that. he knew what was up. tell him i said good choice.

Sunkissed404 said...

lol...Whatever that means. I wasn't supposed to know anything... but I knew something was going on with him looking all raggedy and stuff..(Anyways, before I say too much;)

I'll tell him what you said and forward your blog to him. I respect Sigmas and stuff, but I feel that the Omegas are the realest... I learned at the Probate that the Tail takes it all tho :( (Not fair...Okay, I'm getting emotional..I digress)

Anonymous said...

Yeah kid.. defnitely waited til i was in college myself. Wasnt like i was waiting for marriage either just right person, right time. I think i got the right person, dont know about the right time though.. lol... Beautiful girl, but on a annual trip down in Memphis, TN for a wknd. I was living in Boston at the time homie.. It was all good though!

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