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I was listening to my iPod last night and this song came on my shuffle. I thought to myself that the premise of this song is really some hater sh*t (worse than the premise of 'I Luv Your Girl'). The title goes perfectly with the song.
We've all been there before whether you want to admit it or not. You meet her/him and there's an instant attraction to the point where you want to get to know this person better. That is until they drop the bomb on you and they tell you that they are involved. At this point I most people would cut their losses and keep it moving. But what if you don't want to give up that easily? I mean they are giving you time and opportunity for a reason right? Why should I (speaking in generalities) care about who she/he has at home? I don't owe them a damn thing.
What if you actually know of their significant other but you're still not cool with them like that? Do you still give them the respect of not trying to scoop their man/woman like a Marion Barber fumble? I've actually come across this situation twice in my adult life. And like the Dream said: "...the cool n***a in me was like don't do it but the other n***a was like man f**k that n***a." In both of these situations I took the other n***a approach. This line of thought got me what I wanted only half the time and even in that situation it was years later after they broke up. The other situation I feel could have been something great were it not for the wrong time/place.
I had to ask myself in the end was it worth it to hate on the next man because he had what I wanted. Have you ever hated on the next person? Do you believe in karma and someone might try to jedi mind trick your significant other into believing the grass is indeed greener on the other side?
21 comments:
"What if you actually know of their significant other but you're still not cool with them like that? Do you still give them the respect of not trying to scoop their man/woman like a Marion Barber fumble?"
This sums up my 2009 fam. LOL. Ive takent he cool dude approach. Its a combination of Karma + Conscience that prevents m from stylin on the next man's chick Imagine my surprise when I find out some of these women become engaged!!! smfh!!
Either way, if shorty doesn't respect the relationship, there's REALLY no reason for you to respect it either, so I can't fault cats either way. I just know its happened to me and I don't want to see that hapen to the next dude. I be showin mad love to those cats and I dont even knwo them,wtf lmaooo
Guys are doing this so much now. In the last three weeks I told a few dudes who have tried to holler, that I have a "boyfriend" (yes it's a lie, but trust me, I needed an out)
In anycase, all of them, said something to the effect of, "well we can be friends, can't you have friends, do you love him, is it serious"?
I'm finding guys are more grimey now. In the old days they may say "well he's a lucky guy" or "if he messes up..."
But now, I'm finding they don't care. is it because they are doing dirt & don't mind being #2 or is it because they "don't know him"
In anycase, if it starts out nasty, grimey, low, dirty... it's gonna end that way
Yes, I do believe in Karma
@DC Diva
I remember dudes sayin "hes a lucky guy" then following it up with 'can i get your #"
lol
The grimyness is more out in the open.
Check my "dont u got a man" post on 3ways... women are doing this HEAVY!
for the record i've never said the following lol:
"well we can be friends, can't you have friends, do you love him, is it serious?"
in my situations it was with women that i already knew and we were somewhat comfortable with each other. not that that's any better. lol
I'm sorry, but I think songs like boyfriend #2 are making it worse. Like seriously, you want to be #2, whatever happended to striving for the forst posistion (pause)
Trust me, we try everything. The whole "I'm a lesbian" thing doesn't work or "I have a boyfriend, live-in, s.o"
I think you guys (using the term loosely) like a challenge. If a guy can pull another dude's girls, he must feel manlier or something
I meant to say first posistion... lol
Streetz, I'll check that post out
streetz: true story i promise that happened to me. i said "oh you have a boyfriend. too bad. well take it easy." she definitely said "oh you can still have my number. i can have friends."
actions like this make a lot of men think it's cool to try to holla at other dude's girls.
dc: i don't think that pulling another dude's girl makes him feel manlier (well at least me). i bet he doesn't even think about him. it's really all about her.
Real Talk, I can tell you a plethora of stories that make me apprehensive about being in a relationship... its a cold world son.
I could even blog about more of it but I don't to protect the innocent (ME)
@Tunde
"actions like this make a lot of men think it's cool to try to holla at other dude's girls."
Sad but true, but if you gave those guys the keys to the bank, would they think that entitles them to rob it?
That should be a rhetorical question, but in today's state of moral decline, I really don't know what the answer would be.
anonymous: you're right it should be a rhetorical question but in the end people are going to go as far as you allow them to go. and that's in any situation. so if a woman does deny any advancement from a potential suitor, who is to blame; her or the suitor?
Ummm... Okay.. Where should I start...
Yea I guess I have been a hater in the pass once or twice (maybe more). Shoot, I was like if I could get him then that means he dont want you. Oh well!! (and vice versa for my boo... If u can get him you can have him) Now if I KNOW that he has a girl then I'm not gonna keep it goin. But hell, if he doesn't inform me then there is nothing I could do. Yea I could ask if he has a girl but I've learned that if u don't wanna know the truth then don't ask. I'll ask when I wanna kno and when I need to know.
And I can't help it that sometimes he calls me when they are going through. So do I tell him the grass is greener on the other side? Naw... I jus tell him he needs to call her and tell her what he tellin me and maybe they can work it out if not he need to keep it movin. (Not to me but jus on cuz he shouldnt be stressin ova something stupid)
On another note:
I've told guys plenty of times that I have a boyfriend but they kept comin hard. As a matter of fact. I tried usin that this pass weekend jus to get dude to stop talin to me without me bein rude. IDK maybe they know or think I'm lying. LOL
Ni_Ti:
"But hell, if he doesn't inform me then there is nothing I could do. Yea I could ask if he has a girl but I've learned that if u don't wanna know the truth then don't ask."
don't you think this could be perceived as you just don't care if he has a girl or not?
@Tunde
Ummm Yea I'm pretty sure It could be perceived as that. But if he doesn't care enough to tell me, why should I.
I guess intentions for that individual has somethin to do with it too. If i am not tryin to be that somebody's girl then I guess I really don't care but I'm not gonna push up on him as if he were single. But like I said I can only do that if i know he has a girl.
" If i am not tryin to be that somebody's girl then I guess I really don't care..."
this is where i am with it. if you aren't looking for anything serious then you shouldn't care. well at least thats what i think. *shrugs shoulders*
"this is where i am with it. if you aren't looking for anything serious then you shouldn't care. well at least thats what i think. *shrugs shoulders*"
I guess I disagree. First, I find people in relationships who flirt with others reprehensible. Just because she doesn't care doesn't mean that you shouldn't. Draw your own line. Second, I can't help but to put myself in the shoes of the significant other, the innocent victim. If she were to cheat on her boyfriend with me, then I would feel as if I have cheated as well, if not on her boyfriend as a conspirator, then on myself.
You are spoilt for choice Tunde, why not make the moral one?
"You are spoilt for choice Tunde, why not make the moral one?"
that comment i made was in response to Ni_Ti saying that if a person omits the truth and doesn't tell you they are involved then why should you care. for the record, if i know from the jump that a woman has a man there is a 98% chance that i'm staying far away. i also believe in karma and i wouldn't want some dude pushing up on my girl.
I misread it.
If I know a guy has a girl, I will not pursue. Even if I SUSPECT he has a woman...will not pursue. I would want the same from the next woman if the situation was reversed. I've been on the receiving end of that "lack of respect" and it feels awful.
On the other hand, I am a firm believer that only the two people in the relationship can muck it up. So unless the chick is my friend, I tend to take the attitude that she doesn't owe me a thing when it comes to MY relationship so can't fault her...will fault the dude I'm with though.
I will say that I've been disrespected in relationships and turned around and been just as disrespectful (lol! Not good...two wrongs DEFINITELY don't make a right...but it felt good at the time) but at that point the relationship was prettttty much kaput anyway.
The world is cold. Life is hard. Relationships take mad work and now that i've found myself single again...I plan to stay that way for a looooong while. Can't handle the drama at this point.
Good post, as usual.
"So unless the chick is my friend, I tend to take the attitude that she doesn't owe me a thing when it comes to MY relationship so can't fault her...will fault the dude I'm with though. "
this is a whole new topic in itself. i don't know how many times i've seen women try to fight or argue with the other woman instead of directing her anger towards the one that deserves it, her man. smh
Hmmm Very very interesting. So, let me get this straight. It's wrong to be in a relationship and flirt with other people? (Just kidding...) It sucks sometimes though, because you know what's right to do, but the 'wrong' can be quite entertaining! I mean I have a 'favorite flirt friend' who I've been involved with several occasions over a few years. It was a sad day when it ended the last time though. I ended up 'involved' thinking he wasn't trynna do much more than what we were doing... HOWEVER, the idea of an 'us' never left my mind, so best believe when ever possible, we chit chat and it the situation presents itself, I'm sure we'll see each other to hang out. I'll keep my gaurd up to keep (or TRY TO KEEP) things as 'innocent' as possible...BUT it's sooo hard- we go some kinda 'chemistry'! *Is that wrong?*
I usually wouldn't admit this, but I secretly want him to HATE on my situation...LOL HELL I know I be hatin on his...(silently though! LOL)
Good post Hater Toonz!
Good responses too...
interesting take veronica.
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