Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Fire Sale: Everything Must Go

There comes a point in all our lives (if you have any sense of feeling) where we become emotionally spent. Life is busy and full of challenges, sometimes it's easy to face them and sometimes they take their toll. These challenges can come from any and all directions but I want to focus on how relationships can drain us and the outcome of this is not always positive.

A lot of times when we are expended we just stop giving a fuck. At least I know that's how I can get sometimes. And that's where the title of my post comes in. If you're asking "What pray tell is a fire sale?", it is:

A fire sale is the sale of goods at extremely discounted prices, typically when the seller faces bankruptcy or impending distress.

Now bear with me for a second while I make the correlation between that definition and relationships. Now lets say "goods" are something you possess that under normal circumstances you would hold under high regard. This could be your emotional attachment or even your penis/vagina. Of course the "seller" would be you and "bankruptcy or impending distress" could be that no good dude who you found out slept with your sister, and cousin at the same time or it could be that chick that got ran through by the starting front court of the basketball team while she was in Miami on spring break. Either way that person caused you this emotional duress can cause you to act irrationally.

Speaking from personal experience (because clearly I don't know how women deal with this issue) it's easy for a man while trying to get over heartbreak to become emotionally unattainable and try to take down as many bodies as he can. Nothing reminds you that you are a man quite like having a new woman in your bed. Some may call it a rebound, but I implore any guy to not go this route. This really only provides temporary relief from the real issue at hand and prolongs the process of healing. Like so many things in life, it's important to let the pain flow through [||], instead of trying to numb it like a shot of novocaine.

There lies controversy over who deals with emotional hardship, men or women? The answer to that doesn't necessarily lie in the gender difference as much as who is left feeling like they were wronged. This person is usually the one feeling pained because they probably didn't desire for whatever happened to happen. It's supposed to hurt when you get your feelings damaged. You really don't have to explain it or justify it to anyone but yourself. Accept that you feel pain. Sit with it and explore it. Feel all your feelings. Grief, and that is what heart break is, is cyclic. This means it will come and it will go.

So how do you get over heartbreak or emotional distress? How do you deal with it? Who do you think has a harder time dealing with it, men or women?

***Sidenote: For my Meharry or Nashville readers, I've been asked to sit on a panel for a relationship forum next week (10/25/10). Come through and support Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, Inc., Miss School of Medicine and SNMA.***

***Sidenote (2): I finally remembered my login information for my tumblr account. If any of you have an account I need people to follow. Hit me up. Here's my url: http://thenativeson.tumblr.com/ ***


I Am Your People said...

"Now bear with me for a second while I make the correlation between that definition and relationships. Now lets say "goods" are something you possess that under normal circumstances you would hold under high regard. This could be your emotional attachment or even your penis/vagina."

I'm sure I could have a deep, mature answer to this, but the only thing I can think of is last night's Twitter discussion on @718DEEP_THROAT, who is, quite literally, a $50 hooker. A P*ssy fire sale? For real? (no joke - she has $15 off coupons on her website.)

Sukez said...

I enjoyed reading this but I can't say that any gender deals with the emotional distress and heartbreak. How I deal with it? I try not to but I always end up crying about it, writing about it, hiding because of it, closing up, becoming a harder version (pause) of me. I cut off any means of getting emotionally attached to anyone. It's a process, honestly. Heartbreak is something I wouldn't wish on my enemies. Being on both sides of the cardiac fence so I know the pains of the heartbroken and the heart breaker. Now getting over it? I don't know. Last heartbreak took me over 2 years.. Am I over it now? *shrug* I don't want to think about it. Hope that answers your questions..
great post btw. Just feeling mighty pensive now :/


I think in general it's harder for guys. I can give you a long explanation, but in short, they keep ish bottled up(IMO) and don't have an emotional outlet (or as many outlets) available.

Anonymous said...

I think it's harder for men to recover and move on from heartbreak...generally. But as you said, I don't think recovery is gender specific...it all depends on the individual and their experiences up to that point.

Like Sukez said, I too tend to become a harder, my cynical version of myself. Tears are shed, and I shutdown to an extent.

*sighs* I have more to say...but I just can't. Last night was not a good one for me, and it's kinda related to this post.

Gem said...

interesting topic! yikes, causing me to soul search....

in many ways, i dont deal with emotional distress. it deals with me. i sit and worry about the harm done to my heart and my psyche. and i just sit and wallow in it, letting it consume me. not realizing that whats done is done, and its out of my control. if its out of my control, why am i worried about it? *shrug*

but i deal with relationship problems the same way i do with everything else in my life. i am a creature of habit, and i typically stick to my pattern. until i get tired and worn down and have something else to stress about.

Tunde said...

@i am your people: umm so prostitution is legal on twitter now? what is the world coming to?

@sukez: i think those are great ways of dealing with emotional distress. i wouldn't expect anyone to behave any differently. now becoming a harder version of yourself means that you've allowed that person to define who you are from that point forward. i wouldn't give any person that much power over me. *shrug*

@dc diva: as far as emotional outlets are concerned i think you have a great point. it's frowned upon for men to talk about their emotions because it makes them look weak or feminine. i believe this is a problem because it doesn't allow (a lot) to accurately deal with or communicate themselves properly.

@LaBakir: e-hugs. i hope whatever you are going through gets better. :-D


"not realizing that whats done is done, and its out of my control. if its out of my control, why am i worried about it?"

- i think that we have a way of blaming ourselves and always wondering if we could have did anything differently.

Anonymous said...

:) Thanks Tu

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