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"Intelligence is such a turn on. Its such a good look. Better than say a phat ass."
This quote is by a wise young man who is wise beyond his years. Yes that young man is me. I know what you're thinking. How can I, as a young black man, dismiss what so many of my peers revere? If you were to poll 10 20-30 year old black man and asked them what is the first thing they notice about a woman, you would probably get at least 6 different answers. I would be willing to bet my subscription to Reader's Digest that all the answers would be about something physical. There is nothing wrong with that. When you first meet a person all you know about them is what you see. You can't see if someone has a sense of humor or if they are ambitious. In today's society physical attributes are held in such high regard that other traits are often overlooked.
Now I'm in no way saying that I don't appreciate a phat ass or some nice titties as much as the next man, but I've come to realize that a nice ass or some perky breasts come a dime a dozen. I've just come to realize that things that truly matter in the long run won't fade with time. Yeah she got double D's on her chest like Dare Devil but how are those chest pillows gonna look when she hits say 50? All I'm saying is that beauty fades. At this point in my life I'm still very concerned with beauty but in addition to that I'm looking for what doesn't vanish or wane. I want the total package. Beauty means nothing without brains. Brains definitely mean nothing with beauty.
In the grand scheme of things how are thick thighs going help your children with math homework when her intelligence quotient equals that of a dish rag? I think men and women tend to value things that shouldn't be as important as they are. I've been guilty of this myself. We live in a world where image is everything. Our culture is highly saturated with media images and verbal rhetoric concerning beauty and less talk about what makes the brain tick. The message of our culture is simple, and to many people, image reigns over all else. You be the judge- good looks or high I.Q.
"Baby girl what does it matter where your purse from, your hair done, your nails did, your ass phat but your dumb?" ~Lupe Fiaso (I'm Beaming)
10 comments:
Good post (as usual) Tunde...
All of is sounds GREAT... EXCELLENT even... but... such is life that err ummm the 'ideal' that you type about just ain't the 'norm' we live in...*shrugs*
In my experiences- guys, while in their 'element/groups/cliques' tend to boast about and celebrate the phat asses and what not. When out and about (in malls/clubs/grocery stores..or what not) guys tend to only want to SEE the phat asses or what not... When do guys take the time to actually get to know the 'not so phat assed' girl who's smart as hell and nice as Mother Theresa? She'll have to have those DD's on her chest and a butt that can double as a coffee table in order to draw the attention needed for the guy to get to know her intelligence and humor and what not...
it all sounds sooo perfect, but c'mon now... who's really gonna 'over look the looks' to see the other stuff?
I'm glad, however, that you at least say that's what you do (or want to do)... Maybe you should preach this to some of ya homies! LOL
Very nice entry, Tunde...as usual :-). So after perusing your blog, it's not hard to see that you appreciate a lot of issues that women struggle to get their men to see, such as the battle for intimacy and the desire for what's within to be held on a higher pedestal than our exterior. So my real question is why do the other guys with the same ideals seem to be hiding or more concerned with seeming "cool" with the "f-bitches" attitude? I have a lot of guy friends who I know actually possess these positive qualities, but are also at the point in which getting theirs is their primary concern. And uhh...I think I'm done rambling lol
I so feel you on this. Intelligence is a total panty-remover for me. Any fool with a gym membership can have a fit body but a man who is smart? Oh lord.
On the flipside I get all giddy when a man tells me I'm smart and yawn when he tells me I'm pretty.
It takes a lot of maturity to realize that a person's value is outside of his or her's physical aspects. I think women come to realize this faster and can accept a man as he is. Sometimes I struggle and have seen 3 distinct situations.
1. to have men even see me. Perhaps they are immediately attracted to the flashy model girl. OR
2. To get over my looks and surface.
3. OR perceived intelligence pushes them away. If i tell a man my job title..it can be a wrap.
When i was younger I used to try to manipulate all these things, but as I have grown I realized i dont want a partner caught up on any of this. I would like someone to see the whole me and appreciate it. Beauty Brains etc..
So I've been laughing at "phat" for 10 minutes now. Anywho, I agree with a little bit of all comments. When you first meet someone, all you see and know about them is their exterior. So anyone who says that the first thing they notice about someone is their personality is LYING. Save that for someone without a BS. It is ideal however that after the initial physical attraction you investigate to see if this person is intellectually stimulating and can make you laugh, or at least I do. If the latter two are missing;deuces I'm out. And I wont apologize for it. Unfortunately most guys, even ones that I know and love, would choose the fine dummy over the cute or okay-looking intellectual genius, and society continually perpetuates such foolishness. Then when you are in a relationship or get married you wonder why your partner is incapable of contributing to the relationship other than mediocre I mean spectacular o_0 sex... Oh well. One day people will learn, or at least I hope so.
@Ms. Sylaneous: thanks. i know this isn't the norm. i never said anyone should overlook the physical because i sure don't. that's just not possible. especially with men being such visual creatures.
@Maya: thanks to you too. :-D but to answer your question, i have a two-fold answer. the first is pressure to live up to society's expectations of what a man is supposed to value. if you look at television a lot of products, music and movies are advertised to target what the ideal man is supposed to be attracted to. this is not done by accident. if everyone tells you that you are supposed to love a woman's body above all else, you subconsciously will start to buy into that.
the second part of the answer ties into the first but is distinctively different. two words: peer pressure. if all a man's friends talk about how many women they have on their "team" or their sexual prowess, a man may feel pressured to act in accordance to his friends. if a man says or acts differently he may not necessarily be shunned but he will be looked at differently. this may seem a little childish but if you look at children interacting on a playground you can basically see life's lessons.
@max: i promise i feel the same way. tell me i'm smart any day. lol
@dcbuppie: if a man is intimidated by your job title then i don't think he's the man for you any way. that will probably just be scratching the surface of problems that would occur in a potential relationship. and you're right, it takes a lot of maturity to realize that looks aren't everything.
@Kyzwana: question is if you take the fine dummy, what happens when her looks start to fade? do you drop her and get a younger upgrade? unless you're a millionaire i don't think once you get up there in age most young women are going to be checking for you anyway. so in the end you lose. *shrug*
Oooh, good post, Tunez!
Ditto on Max's comment.
I also put a higher premium on compliments related to my smarts than to my looks, except on certain occasions, maybe when I make special effort for an S/O. And I do enjoy a smart, witty man. More so, I admire them.
I won't lie, I'm also concerned with looks, cuz I don't wanna be ashamed to be seen out with a dude, but smarter = better :o)
@Maya
I completely agree. Tunde, I've come to learn (though years of internet friendship) that you maintain views that are wise beyond your PEERS. :) I wish that more men felt the same way. I think quite a few people talk a good game, and say they want a woman of substance. But they more often end up with the someone that only arouses their "loins", as Prince Akeem would say. (love Coming to America)
Now I know what you're saying doesn't mean that men wouldn't like both, so I won't go there. I just wish that more would realize that beauty fades. Substance is something that they should be looking for. It goes hand in hand with women who want men that have tons of money...but lack substance. After awhile it's not as satisfying.
I agree with the ladies that appreciate compliments that are tied to characteristics outside of their looks. It means that the person is actually paying attention to WHO we and not WHAT we are or what we look like. That in itself is sexy!
I feel you on that. I like that mix of intelligence with a little street...looks won't do any good if we can't hold a decent conversation.
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