Abyss

This girl was no good for me
she had so many secrets, secrets..yeah
Even though she wasn't my main girl
I was still committed, it was me and you
you said you wouldn't tell
but you saved my voicemails
but I always knew

So now cry 'till you drown your face
and bitch I give a damn how harsh this may seem

I'm here to put your heart in its place
chained up at the bottom of the lake
Now let the waterfall abyss.

The Dream, Abyss

The other day my boo wrote this blog post on her review of The Dream's Love King album. I know quite a few people that aren't fans of the album but I am. I'm actually a fan of his entire catalog. Dude knows how to make hits. Back to the topic at hand, my favorite track off of the album is Abyss. As we were discussing my favorite song she said, "it scares me that that's your favorite song." I think that what she failed to realize is the extent of male psyche when it comes to matters of the heart.

What most don't know is that men can be as emotional as women. The difference is how we display these emotions. In most cases when a woman breaks a man's heart they only know of the phase when men become closed off emotionally and try to get over their pain by hurting as many other women as possible. Before this stage there is definitely the fuck you stage. What's the fuck you stage? The fuck you stage is right before emotional disconnect and right after capriciousness. This stage allows men express their emotions through anger. Anger is just like any other emotion. The only thing is that anger can actually help us to realize that we are masking our feelings of another nature, such as anxiety, hurt or frustration.

I've definitely had feelings that come with the fuck you stage. It's more than hurt. It's anger. A lot of men won't admit that they let a women get to them in such a way. I've been hurt that way once. Will it happen again? I don't know but back to the song. My favorite part of the song is: "So now cry 'till you drown your face and bitch I give a damn how harsh this may seem." I think it might be the extra emphasis on the word bitch. I don't make it a habit of calling women bitches but sometimes the word just fits ( if you are offended then remain offended).

It would be nice if I could get more guys to comment on this post. Question time. Fellas have you ever been to the point where you felt like you were in the fuck you stage? Women have you ever done this to a guy? You can be honest. How did you handle the situation?

The Highlight Reel

The highlight reel.

I'm not talking about tuning into Sports Center during the last 10 minutes of each hour to catch the top 10 plays of the day or even logging into youtube to watch career highlight plays by Deion Sanders. What I'm speaking about here is the sex highlight reel.

Sex highlight reel- A sexual experience so fantastic that you find yourself replaying the events in your mind months and even years later. This mental rolodex of sexual feats can be summoned for a number of reasons, which I won't get into here.

I've been familiar with the idea of the sex highlight reel for some time now but i never really knew what to call it until I saw Couple's Retreat. This movie details the specifics of the highlight reel. They go further to say that when you are having sex with a person and the experience is less than stellar, you can close your eyes and fall back on the highlight reel. The question put forth is that in a sense cheating?

Based on the 49 people that I've slept with in my life I have a highlight reel but it really isn't that extensive.[1] It would have to be a pretty big ego boost to know that you are in someone's highlight reel. To have that much of a lasting effect on someone has to mean that you are pretty incredible. That being said I'm pretty sure I'm in a couple of top 10 plays on a couple of highlight reels. #onmycockyshit

[1]- I hope you wouldn't think I would actually list my body count. lololol

Perfect Decision

I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind. ~ Author Unknown

****Before I begin let me make the disclaimer that this has nothing to do with me. Shame that I still have to make disclaimers but it's whatever. Guarantee I'll still get inquires as to whom I'm talking about. ****

Last week I was listening to Vivian Green's sophomore album titled Vivian. The lyrics to the song Perfect Decision has been stuck in my head ever since. The thing I love about Vivian is her strong voice and powerful lyrics. As you can tell by the quoted (below) she sings about things that I'm sure we've all been through.

The skin against my skin
I'm begging to resist
I want to scream for more
I want to run out the door
The skin against my skin
The skin of my best friend
We never even kissed
So how'd we get to this?
He loves me oh so much
But he never shared his touch
As natural as it feels
I don't want it to kill
Something so flawless
That we both cherish
And as bad as I need it
We could ruin something so perfect

This is a dangerous, volatile situation. Falling for someone who is your friend is a dangerous, slippery slope. Going down that path with someone who knows certain things about you, who knows intimate details about you can seem like a good idea.

You become good friends with a person and you hang out with them all the time then gradually you realize that you are falling for them. What do you do? How do you handle these feelings for a friend? Will it ruin the friendship?

First, this is a common situation. Many, many friends become closer and closer and then start thinking about dating. It's only natural. There are hundreds of movies about this situation. These movies sometimes turn out to have fairy tale endings or not so happy endings. It's the ideal way to start a relationship, because all relationships should be based on trust, honesty and communication. These are traits that friends have built in. An ideal relationship is between best friends who love each other. Key word being ideal.

The one question that has to be asked, is what happens when the relationship doesn't pan out? What happens to the friendship that was so valued? These are questions that Vivian also asked herself.

What if we want more from each other?
What if we become only part-time lovers?
What if our drama-free friendship suffers?
What if everything we've built get lost under the covers?
Will I think it's the same the way you scream out my name
Thought it would ever come to this
Who'd thought I'd like your touch, your kiss
I don't wanna miss this opportunity, maybe we're suppose to be
Stop askin questions, and guessing and keep it going

Have you ever taken a friendship to the next level? How did it work out for you? Do you think it's a good idea to risk a friendship for moments of passion or even a relationship?

My love of pr0n

I remember it was like was yesterday. I found my father's pr0n stash. He kept it in his file cabinet where he also kept his bills and other important documents. I forget exactly what I was looking for but what I found was the equivalent to the Holy Grail (or at least I thought so). Since that day I've had a love and hate affair with pr0nography. For the most part it's been love though.

Pr0nography for whatever reason is still taboo. It seems like it's one of those things that people partake in but never really talk about. Kind of like masturbation. No one really does it but everyone really does it. Well I for one have no quarrels discussing the fact that I do in fact watch pr0nography. After recently having a discussion on the subject I realized how much of a connoisseur I am.

Off hand I know about 10 free websites where I can watch adult films till my heart is content. I'm not really into DVDs anymore. Who really pays $29.99 for a West Coast Production film when you can get the same scene for free over at pornhub.com? That's just not economically responsible and while our nation is still in the shadow of a recession far be for me to financially irresponsible.

The great thing about internet porn is that you can browse for whatever category tickles your fancy. From amateur to orgies to milfs to creampies. Basically anything that you want to see and it's there for your viewing pleasure.

Pr0nography has even made it's way onto twitter with such "actresses" such as @LaceyDuvalleXXX, @cherokeedassxxx and @therealpinkyxxx. You have actors such as Lexington Steele who talk entirely too much during his scenes. I do have to admit that it is kind of hilarious. On the flip side you have actresses like Pinky who used to be the "in" girl until she started packing on the pounds.

Do you watch pr0nography? Why do you think it's still taboo among a lot of people? What's your favorite genre? Who's your favorite "actor/actress"?

This is Why I Write

After my last blog post I noticed 2 things.

1. After having a conversation with a woman, she told me that she enjoyed reading the post but some people might have read it and thought to themselves, "Here he goes again." Apparently the typical male doesn't think or behave like I do. I don't know if that statement holds any validity but I write about a myriad of subjects here. It may seem that most of my posts concerning relationships seem like they cater towards women but I write according to my viewpoint and no one else's. I don't do it to get kudos from anyone. I don't do it for compliments either.

2. I have 113 followers of this blog. Maybe twice as many actually read. I'd be willing to bet that 75% or more of the readers of this blog are women. This was very apparent in the comments section of the last post. All the comments were made by women. This one in particular stood out to me:

...So after perusing your blog, it's not hard to see that you appreciate a lot of issues that women struggle to get their men to see, such as the battle for intimacy and the desire for what's within to be held on a higher pedestal than our exterior...

While I do appreciate the struggle that women go through once again I don't want my posts to be misconstrued as me attempting to receive praise or acclaim. What I write about is how I feel. I write from my perspective and standpoint.

Brains over Beauty

"Intelligence is such a turn on. Its such a good look. Better than say a phat ass."

This quote is by a wise young man who is wise beyond his years. Yes that young man is me. I know what you're thinking. How can I, as a young black man, dismiss what so many of my peers revere? If you were to poll 10 20-30 year old black man and asked them what is the first thing they notice about a woman, you would probably get at least 6 different answers. I would be willing to bet my subscription to Reader's Digest that all the answers would be about something physical. There is nothing wrong with that. When you first meet a person all you know about them is what you see. You can't see if someone has a sense of humor or if they are ambitious. In today's society physical attributes are held in such high regard that other traits are often overlooked.

Now I'm in no way saying that I don't appreciate a phat ass or some nice titties as much as the next man, but I've come to realize that a nice ass or some perky breasts come a dime a dozen. I've just come to realize that things that truly matter in the long run won't fade with time. Yeah she got double D's on her chest like Dare Devil but how are those chest pillows gonna look when she hits say 50? All I'm saying is that beauty fades. At this point in my life I'm still very concerned with beauty but in addition to that I'm looking for what doesn't vanish or wane. I want the total package. Beauty means nothing without brains. Brains definitely mean nothing with beauty.

In the grand scheme of things how are thick thighs going help your children with math homework when her intelligence quotient equals that of a dish rag? I think men and women tend to value things that shouldn't be as important as they are. I've been guilty of this myself. We live in a world where image is everything. Our culture is highly saturated with media images and verbal rhetoric concerning beauty and less talk about what makes the brain tick. The message of our culture is simple, and to many people, image reigns over all else. You be the judge- good looks or high I.Q.

"Baby girl what does it matter where your purse from, your hair done, your nails did, your ass phat but your dumb?" ~Lupe Fiaso (I'm Beaming)

Sleep Patterns

Besides from the randomness that floats around in my brain, the focus of my blog when I first made it public was to write about my dreams and interpret them. I have very interesting and vivid dreams. I've actually gotten away from that lately even though I still have random dreams. I honestly don't think most of the dreams I've been having lately are appropriate for public consumption anyway.

One thing I realized I never talked about here is sleep patterns. Have you ever paid any attention to the picture at the head of this blog? The guy sleeping in the desert using a rock for a pillow? Well I picked that picture because that's usually how I look while I'm sleeping.

I have to be the most restless, random sleeper in the history of sleep. Most times I fall asleep on my side. It's almost impossible for me to fall asleep on my back. It's usually hard for me to fall asleep if there is complete silence. I need the tv or radio to be on.

I hate pillows. They are cool when I'm laying in bed watching tv but I hate propping my head up on a pillow while sleeping. If I do sleep with a pillow my head is usually UNDER the pillow. I don't know how I haven't suffocated myself in my sleep yet. The times when I do sleep with a pillow I wake in the morning with a crick in my neck. Not the best way to wake up.

What I don't understand is how any woman shares a bed with me. As much as I abhor pillows while sleeping, whenever I'm in bed with a woman my head somehow manages to find its way to her pillow. Most people's body temperature drops while they are sleep but not mine. I've been told that I'm very hot natured. Couple that with that fact that I move around in my sleep and I'm not surprised that I haven't been punched in the back of head while I've been sleep.

Oh yeah and when I'm extremely tired I might drool in my sleep. TMI that's ok too.