Profanity

My name is Tunde and I curse. Like a sailor even.

Do I see this as a problem? Not hardly. In fact I only believe there is one real curse word. *shrug* I'm taking it you can guess what that curse what is. No. Well it's "fuck". See told you I like to curse. Where was I? Oh yeah, those other pseudo curse words don't count in my book.

curse (v)- to use profanely insolent language against.

I mean it's not like I curse uncontrollably. I don't curse in professional environments. I don't curse around my mother. I don't think I've ever cursed in front of my mother. I try not to curse around my father. I guess cursing is a part of my vernacular just like any other slang word is to my regional dialect. For instance, being from the DC Metro area, I say the word "young" a lot. Sometimes subconsciously. When I first moved to Nashville I had a couple of people ask me what "young" meant. I just shrugged them off because honestly it's one of those things that if you don't know then you just don't know. I've noticed when I'm talking to my mentor or any of my professors the word "young" would never leave my lips.

About a month or so ago one of my facebook friends had an update about the Lakers winning the championship. Being the ultimate Laker hater that I am, I responded with "Na Son". After some back and forth I simply replied, "f*#@ kobe". Now at the time I really didn't see anything wrong with what I wrote. I mean I thought I censored myself well enough. It wasn't until she replied "I would like to keep my wall G-rated. Thank you.", did I realize that even though I censored myself that the intention was still there. I guess I could have wrote something like "forget kobe" or something similar but I don't think it would have had the same effect.

Perhaps I should think about how my language affects others. Perhaps I shouldn't.

Do you guys curse regularly? Do you get offended when people curse in your presence? C'mon tell me how the fuck you feel. lolol

This is Why I Write

After my last blog post I noticed 2 things.

1. After having a conversation with a woman, she told me that she enjoyed reading the post but some people might have read it and thought to themselves, "Here he goes again." Apparently the typical male doesn't think or behave like I do. I don't know if that statement holds any validity but I write about a myriad of subjects here. It may seem that most of my posts concerning relationships seem like they cater towards women but I write according to my viewpoint and no one else's. I don't do it to get kudos from anyone. I don't do it for compliments either.

2. I have 113 followers of this blog. Maybe twice as many actually read. I'd be willing to bet that 75% or more of the readers of this blog are women. This was very apparent in the comments section of the last post. All the comments were made by women. This one in particular stood out to me:

...So after perusing your blog, it's not hard to see that you appreciate a lot of issues that women struggle to get their men to see, such as the battle for intimacy and the desire for what's within to be held on a higher pedestal than our exterior...

While I do appreciate the struggle that women go through once again I don't want my posts to be misconstrued as me attempting to receive praise or acclaim. What I write about is how I feel. I write from my perspective and standpoint.

What Chili Wants

This weekend Nashville experienced record-breaking rain, flooding and deaths. Needless to say I've been stuck in the house for the latter part of the last 36 hours. Because of this I got a chance to completely catch up on my DVR and other shows that came on television. I just finished watching this show, What Chili Wants. Thanks to twitter I've heard various things about this show but I never got a chance to watch it myself. This was completely by choice because I definitely watch the Brandy & Ray-J show (which comes on right after).

Apparently like every other C-list celebrity that's looking for love, VH-1 decided to give her a shot. My immediate thoughts are that Chili is kind of self-righteous and definitely too picky. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with having standards but Tionna (the girl setting her up on dates) picked out a variety of men. Based on the tweets from a lot of the women in my timeline some of these guys seemed like winners and they would love to go on dates with most of them.

In my opinion, Chili's problem is that she has a long check list in her mind of what she wants in a man. Check lists aren't the problem as long as the items on the list are realistic. Nothing is wrong with wanting a partner who is generous, nice, intelligent, ambitious, good with children, etc. When your list starts comprising items such as: can't eat pork, has to be this tall, can't drink at all, etc. you will start to alienate yourself.

My first solution to Chili's issues is that she is LOOKING for a man. Whatever happened to letting a man find you? Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." It says nothing about she who finds a husband. Chili really has the game twisted. Maybe her messing around with Usher has her outlook and perception on dating all messed up (yep #shots).

Second, Chili acts real self-righteous. I'm not saying that she doesn't have the right to be but lets face it. She has stated on her show that she really wants to have another child. Let's run down her statistics. According to Wikipedia, she is 39 years old and a single mother. Personally I just wouldn't be excited about going into a situation with a woman knowing that it would be a ready-made family type thing. At damn near 40, based on child bearing years, she's pretty ancient. She also has a lot of baggage as far as previous relationships in the public eye (Dallas Austin, Usher, Floyd Mayweather and T.J. Holmes). That being said Chili has many flaws just like the men she dates so for her not to even give most of them a chance seems a little sanctimonious.

What Chili Wants is a microcosm of what occurs in society today. I see it on twitter a lot as well with trending topics such as #ICouldNeverDate. Everyone wants to say what they won't put up with and what is wrong with the dating pool that they are exposed to. My advice is to look within yourself first because I guarantee most times the things that you say you won't tolerate, you probably exude. That's just my advice. Rozonda Thomas (or whoever this fits), take it how you will.

***added video***

The Bet

So this past Saturday Nashville experienced monsoon type weather so I was basically trapped in the house all day. Instead of doing work (because my laptop was trapped in the lab and I wasn't getting drenched) I sat in the house all day and watched movies. First up on my list was Love & Basketball. After that I watched the Wood then I ended the night with The Best Man.

Watching the part of The Wood when the Big Mike, Roland and Slim had the bet had me thinking about when I was a horny teenager. If you don't remember what scene I'm referring to here it is:

I remember when I was a virgin and my friends and I would have conversations about girls and sex. Personally, I was in no rush to lose my virginity. While my teammates and I would have locker talk and they would tell tall tales of their sexual conquests, no one believed me when I told them I was a virgin. Maybe they thought I just didn't want them in my business or maybe they thought I couldn't possibly be a virgin. Either way I was always telling the truth. It wasn't that I was saving myself for marriage but I honestly knew that I wasn't ready to be having sex and based on conversations with my father I knew that it was always going to be there.

It's amazing how much a young man that age can think about sex. As I entered college still a virgin it was basically all I thought about (besides basketball). Still a virgin, I was more reluctant to tell people about my status because at that point people looked at me like a freak of nature (especially being a guy). At this point I often thought on the advice/rules my mother gave me, "focus on your studies, the women will always be there"..."you can't have a girlfriend till you're 19." and I started to wonder why I listened to her.

Flash forward to my first girlfriend. End Virginity. I'm not going to tell you exactly how old I was but it was my 1st semester of my junior year in college. I remember what I was doing right before (at a Sigma probate) and what I did after. Those are all the details I'll reveal. I think I definitely lost my virginity to the right person at the right time. My outlook on sex and relationships (but mostly sex) today were shaped on my experiences with my first girlfriend.

Do you remember your first time? Do you regret losing your virginity to the person you lost it to? Are you still a virgin (I hope not)? How was your first time? Do you remember how simple life was pre-sex?

The World Is Your Oyster

I remember it like it was yesterday. My 7th grade homeroom teacher, Mrs. Seabolt, told me that the "World could be my oyster." Let me give you a little bit of background information. In elementary school I got decent grades but I was talkative and my grades didn't reflect my potential. I had never heard the term "World could be your oyster" so being the curious youth that I was I asked her what it meant. She basically told me that "all opportunities are open to someone, the world is theirs." Maybe it was the naivety of a 12 year old but I actually believed that I could do anything I put my mind to. I actually believed that I could take over the world. All this because an 80+ year old woman with throat cancer believed in me. Yep 80+. Mrs. Seabolt always carried around a cup of water because her radiation therapy left her without the ability to produce her own saliva. It really hurt me the next year when I found out that she succumbed to her cancer. From the 7th grade till my junior year in high school I didn't get so much as a B on my report card (damn physics). I've never shared my motivation behind doing so well in school with anyone. She didn't just tell me positive things. She saw my potential and worked with me. She kicked me in the ass whenever I slacked and pushed me to be great.

It's amazing how someone can see something in you that you never saw in yourself. All it takes is someone to open up your eyes so you can see it for yourself. Teachers have the most underrated, underpaid, under appreciated profession in this country. My motivation to do well in school was an older, Caucasian woman. Not my parents, not a professional athlete, not a rapper but a teacher.

To this day I still think I can take over the world. Maybe not in the literal sense but in a theoretical one. I still think that I can do anything I put my mind to. I don't put restrictions on myself. I know that in order to achieve anything in this world, I have to grab the opportunities that life has given to me. I find it ironic that the woman who first gave me my motivation died from cancer now I'm in the field of cancer research.

Who first told you that you could be great? Where do you continue to look for motivation? Do you have that one teacher who made a difference in your life?

This is my song of the month and maybe the summer.

#onmycockyshit

As I sit on my couch on this magnificent Monday afternoon I couldn't help but think of how great I am. I know what you're asking yourself, "What makes Tunde so great?". Well don't fret, I'm about to tell you.

The first step to being great is to have confidence in yourself because if you don't believe in you then who will? I like this song called New York by Ja Rule. It features Fat Joe and Jadakiss. Kiss has this bar that makes so much sense to me:

I'm not cocky, I'm confident

So when you tell me I'm the best

It's a compliment.

Now let me tell you why I'm so great.

I had a staring contest with the sun and won. Eclipse.

I'm the reason why Waldo is hiding. Let me know if you see him.

I once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

I ordered a Big Mac at Burger King last week, and got one.

I don't teabag girls, I potato sack them.

I once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made me blink.

Ok I didn't do any of these things. Chuck Norris did. I'm still awesome though.

I even started my own trending topic on twitter (#onmycockyshit).

Do you feel yourself (pause)? Do you think the sun rises and shines on your ass? Are you your biggest fan? Tell me why you're so great.

Open Letter

Dear Black Women,

I do a lot of reading (books, magazines, blogs, etc) and I've noticed a stigma when it comes to black women. It seems there are so many people telling you what's wrong with you. From relationship issues to physical features everyone has their opinion on why you are not happy, unsatisfied, mad or just plain undeserving. I don't feel that there are enough outlets that celebrate black womanhood. I did a post similar on blog in the past (click here to check it out). Hopefully this letter does you some justice.

First let me start with the first black woman in my life who is my everything. She gave me life. She nurtured me and helped shape me in the man that I am. Remember, you are what she is to me. You are the mother of this Earth. You birthed the first man. The first woman. Without you noone would be here. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Big ups to my moms.

The saying "Behind every strong man is a strong woman" seems cliché but it couldn't hold any truer when it comes to black men. Speaking as a black man we have to deal with so much in the world. So many preconceived ideas about who we are, what we aren't and what we can't do. It's so reassuring to have a black woman beside you to hold you up while dealing with her own issues. That takes strength, sturdiness and vigor.

Don't concern yourself with what other people (including other black women) might think of you. If you aren't married or don't have kids by a certain age don't feel pressured to do so because of social pressures or what others might think. If you feel like black men aren't acting right, expand your horizons (black men will do it in a heartbeat so why not you?). Don't feel pressured to change the way you look because guys ogle over a certain "type" they see on television. I promise there are plenty of men out there that appreciate you just the way you are.

Just know that you are appreciated even though sometimes it may not seem that way.

Sincerely,

Tunde

Racist or Truth Teller?

After hearing/reading about this new scandal involving Harry Reid I'm really over people. Basically he made comments saying Barack Obama was elected president because he was light skinned and had a lack of "negro dialect". I feel like people nowadays get offended by the simplest things. Honestly, Harry Reid told the truth and because he's a senator he's not allowed to have an opinion? If you don't agree with what he said then don't vote for him again when his term is up. Simple as that. When Wale said something similar in his song Shades ft Chrisette Michele no one raised an eyebrow:

"What if Barack skin was all black truthfully would he be a candidate or just a blackened community because black dudes tend to lack unity"

Let's be real with ourselves, if Barack was dark skinned and spoke with a distinct accent (not even slang) would he be president today? Probably not. Would he have gotten support from Caucasians? Probably not.

I think its a matter of people getting mad at the truth. Like they say: "The truth hurts." When Don Imus called the Rutger's players nappy headed hoe's, he was wrong. He didn't know if they were hoe's or not. Nappy headed? Sure a lot of them were. I think if anything Don Imus should have been called sexist instead of racist.

People are so sensitive. People have the right to say what they want about who they want (as long as you don't slander or libel). Its called the 1st Amendment. Its really not about what you are called its about what you answer to. Remember:

"If they talked about Jesus what makes you think they won't talk about you."

The Masks We Wear

**In honor of Halloween, the one holiday where everyone tries to be something that they aren't, I decided to write this post.**

We all have a variety of masks that each of us wears daily. These may be the identities that have been given to us, or ones that we have assumed over time.

As long as we recognize that we are wearing a mask we should be in good shape. But when the mask becomes a seeming reality for us, then that's when trouble begins. We confuse the mask with the person, and if we are to consummate enough, so do those around us. Gradually the mask becomes a trap, and we become the mask.

I see so many people who wear masks in their every day lives. They attempt to be something or someone that they are not, failing to realize that sometimes who they are under the mask is better than any mask that they can attempt to wear. It's easy to believe that we we really are is simply not good enough.

On the flip side not every use of a mask is negative, however. Masks can help us build our own defenses for the time we need them. They can give us power, or at least the illusion of fortitude, in a time when we may feel powerless. As long as the masks remain flexible and breakable, we can alter them at will, still realizing that we are not what we wear on our face as the mask we present to others.

Reverie of Self

"It is not so much the example of others we imitate as the reflection of ourselves in their eyes and the echo of ourselves in their words." ~Eric Hoffer

Seeing has how my 28th birthday is in 9 days I've come to a point of reflection in my life. I think that I've accomplished a lot on in my short time on this Earth but I think I have so much more to do. When I was in high school no one could have told me that by the time I was 30 I wouldn't be married, have 3 kids and have a Nobel prize in Biochemistry. Obviously none of that is going to happen by 30. Life never goes according to plan and I'm cool with that.

Occasionally, events will occur in our lives that cause us to stop so that we may reflect and re-evaluate all that which comprises the many facets of our life. These periods cause us to re-prioritize things, abandon what does not belong or is making our lives more difficult and stressful, and seek out what truly matters to us.

During the next few months I will be transitioning into the work world (at least for the time being) for the first time in my life. I have many decisions to make about what I want to do, where I want to live, etc. During this time, I think I may be able to gain insight from my dreams, for dreams are the gateway to the subconscious. They can reveal truths that I am unable, or unwilling, to see when awake. If this is true then my past couple of blogs have me more confused than ever. lol

During periods of reflection, you may learn that you must release your fears to be able to move beyond what is holding you back and preventing you form reaching your true potential. You may not know what your fears are, so reflect, meditate, journal, do ritual or divination, or something else altogether, to help you see what fears need facing. It has also occurred to me that there is absolutely no reason why we should have to wait until moments such as these to begin reflecting. Wouldn't it be better to re-examine things at times when there isn't already stress weighing us down?