My love of pr0n

I remember it was like was yesterday. I found my father's pr0n stash. He kept it in his file cabinet where he also kept his bills and other important documents. I forget exactly what I was looking for but what I found was the equivalent to the Holy Grail (or at least I thought so). Since that day I've had a love and hate affair with pr0nography. For the most part it's been love though.

Pr0nography for whatever reason is still taboo. It seems like it's one of those things that people partake in but never really talk about. Kind of like masturbation. No one really does it but everyone really does it. Well I for one have no quarrels discussing the fact that I do in fact watch pr0nography. After recently having a discussion on the subject I realized how much of a connoisseur I am.

Off hand I know about 10 free websites where I can watch adult films till my heart is content. I'm not really into DVDs anymore. Who really pays $29.99 for a West Coast Production film when you can get the same scene for free over at pornhub.com? That's just not economically responsible and while our nation is still in the shadow of a recession far be for me to financially irresponsible.

The great thing about internet porn is that you can browse for whatever category tickles your fancy. From amateur to orgies to milfs to creampies. Basically anything that you want to see and it's there for your viewing pleasure.

Pr0nography has even made it's way onto twitter with such "actresses" such as @LaceyDuvalleXXX, @cherokeedassxxx and @therealpinkyxxx. You have actors such as Lexington Steele who talk entirely too much during his scenes. I do have to admit that it is kind of hilarious. On the flip side you have actresses like Pinky who used to be the "in" girl until she started packing on the pounds.

Do you watch pr0nography? Why do you think it's still taboo among a lot of people? What's your favorite genre? Who's your favorite "actor/actress"?

This is Why I Write

After my last blog post I noticed 2 things.

1. After having a conversation with a woman, she told me that she enjoyed reading the post but some people might have read it and thought to themselves, "Here he goes again." Apparently the typical male doesn't think or behave like I do. I don't know if that statement holds any validity but I write about a myriad of subjects here. It may seem that most of my posts concerning relationships seem like they cater towards women but I write according to my viewpoint and no one else's. I don't do it to get kudos from anyone. I don't do it for compliments either.

2. I have 113 followers of this blog. Maybe twice as many actually read. I'd be willing to bet that 75% or more of the readers of this blog are women. This was very apparent in the comments section of the last post. All the comments were made by women. This one in particular stood out to me:

...So after perusing your blog, it's not hard to see that you appreciate a lot of issues that women struggle to get their men to see, such as the battle for intimacy and the desire for what's within to be held on a higher pedestal than our exterior...

While I do appreciate the struggle that women go through once again I don't want my posts to be misconstrued as me attempting to receive praise or acclaim. What I write about is how I feel. I write from my perspective and standpoint.

Brains over Beauty

"Intelligence is such a turn on. Its such a good look. Better than say a phat ass."

This quote is by a wise young man who is wise beyond his years. Yes that young man is me. I know what you're thinking. How can I, as a young black man, dismiss what so many of my peers revere? If you were to poll 10 20-30 year old black man and asked them what is the first thing they notice about a woman, you would probably get at least 6 different answers. I would be willing to bet my subscription to Reader's Digest that all the answers would be about something physical. There is nothing wrong with that. When you first meet a person all you know about them is what you see. You can't see if someone has a sense of humor or if they are ambitious. In today's society physical attributes are held in such high regard that other traits are often overlooked.

Now I'm in no way saying that I don't appreciate a phat ass or some nice titties as much as the next man, but I've come to realize that a nice ass or some perky breasts come a dime a dozen. I've just come to realize that things that truly matter in the long run won't fade with time. Yeah she got double D's on her chest like Dare Devil but how are those chest pillows gonna look when she hits say 50? All I'm saying is that beauty fades. At this point in my life I'm still very concerned with beauty but in addition to that I'm looking for what doesn't vanish or wane. I want the total package. Beauty means nothing without brains. Brains definitely mean nothing with beauty.

In the grand scheme of things how are thick thighs going help your children with math homework when her intelligence quotient equals that of a dish rag? I think men and women tend to value things that shouldn't be as important as they are. I've been guilty of this myself. We live in a world where image is everything. Our culture is highly saturated with media images and verbal rhetoric concerning beauty and less talk about what makes the brain tick. The message of our culture is simple, and to many people, image reigns over all else. You be the judge- good looks or high I.Q.

"Baby girl what does it matter where your purse from, your hair done, your nails did, your ass phat but your dumb?" ~Lupe Fiaso (I'm Beaming)

Sleep Patterns

Besides from the randomness that floats around in my brain, the focus of my blog when I first made it public was to write about my dreams and interpret them. I have very interesting and vivid dreams. I've actually gotten away from that lately even though I still have random dreams. I honestly don't think most of the dreams I've been having lately are appropriate for public consumption anyway.

One thing I realized I never talked about here is sleep patterns. Have you ever paid any attention to the picture at the head of this blog? The guy sleeping in the desert using a rock for a pillow? Well I picked that picture because that's usually how I look while I'm sleeping.

I have to be the most restless, random sleeper in the history of sleep. Most times I fall asleep on my side. It's almost impossible for me to fall asleep on my back. It's usually hard for me to fall asleep if there is complete silence. I need the tv or radio to be on.

I hate pillows. They are cool when I'm laying in bed watching tv but I hate propping my head up on a pillow while sleeping. If I do sleep with a pillow my head is usually UNDER the pillow. I don't know how I haven't suffocated myself in my sleep yet. The times when I do sleep with a pillow I wake in the morning with a crick in my neck. Not the best way to wake up.

What I don't understand is how any woman shares a bed with me. As much as I abhor pillows while sleeping, whenever I'm in bed with a woman my head somehow manages to find its way to her pillow. Most people's body temperature drops while they are sleep but not mine. I've been told that I'm very hot natured. Couple that with that fact that I move around in my sleep and I'm not surprised that I haven't been punched in the back of head while I've been sleep.

Oh yeah and when I'm extremely tired I might drool in my sleep. TMI that's ok too.

Death of Intimacy

This is how I would define intimacy. The feeling or atmosphere of closeness and openness towards someone else, not necessarily involving sexuality. This last part is essential to my definition of intimacy. Before I got any further I want to thank my friends, Kyzzie and Maya for the blog idea. They read but hardly ever comment. o_0

If you were to take a poll of 100 people asking them what intimacy means to them I would bet the shoe string in my left sneaker that at least 80 people would say that it involved a sexual relationship or sexual relations between a man and woman.

If you've read this blog before then you know how much I like sex. I don't try to hide that fact. I like sex just as much as I like music, food or basketball. That means I like it a lot. I also know the importance of sex in a relationship and to me bad sex can be a deal breaker. With that being said I think that there is too much emphasis placed on sex. So much so that the art of intimacy is dying off. Yes I (a man) just said that in our over-sexed society the establishment of friendship and having mutual interests or affections is lost. Let that sink in for a moment.

Yesterday on twitter I asked this question:

Fellas, would you ever consider being in a relationship with a woman you never had sex with?

The reason I asked males for their answers is because the general perception is that men are the ones who have issues with intimacy and are sex-crazed. By the way if you believe that this is only a male-driven issue then I have a some beach front property in Kansas to sell you. The responses I got ranged from hell no to perhaps if I was back in the 11th grade. Then I got this response from one of my female followers:

Would you?

I really had to think about that one for a while but I think I would. It would have to be the right circumstances and with the right person. Also the fact that sex would eventually be introduced into the relationship would have to be understood because let's face it, I'm not going to marry someone who I've never slept with.

Honestly speaking I don't think I've entered into a relationship with a woman that I slept with before actually getting to be her friend first and getting to know her on a more "intimate" level. So women here's some advice. Next time you're contemplating sleeping with that guy you like think about if he would stick around if you DIDN'T give him some. If not then I doubt you're on an "intimate" level.

What does intimacy mean to you? Would you ever be in a relationship that didn't involved sexual intercourse? Would you marry someone without sampling the goods first?

Revolutions Per Minute

"If skills sold, truth be told, I'd lyrically be Talib Kweli..." ~Jay-Z Moment of Clarity

I told y'all after I posted that Gucci Mane blog post that I would have to redeem myself and do a post on some real music. Well for the past 3 days I've been listening to Reflection Eternal's Revolutions Per Minute (RPM) album non stop. I've always been the type of hip hop fan who listens to lyrics above all else. All that other stuff in my opinion is just filler. This is why I really believe true lyricism is dying off but that's another blog post. Talib Kweli has been a consistent, under rated force in the hip hop game. If you don't respect his skills on the mic then you really don't know music.

I first got interested in the RPM project after hearing the track Just Begun which features J. Cole, Mos Def and Jay Electronica. Anyone who really knows me knows that I'm a huge fan of J. Cole so I was immediately interested. The song did not disappoint. A track featured two heavyweight lyricists and two up and coming artists with no hook. Just straight spitting. I love this track.

After hearing that track I was interested in what the rest of the album might bring. The album presents dope thoughtful lyrics laced upon mellow beats. It covers a broad, diverse range of topics. One track speaks on the evils of the oil trade and how it is destroying the world (my favorite track) to how the hip hop game is dead to a track uplifting women (instead of degrading them). Overall I give the album an A and so far I think it's the best rap/hip-hop album of year. In my opinion, this year so far has only brought disappointment as far as hip hop is concerned. I honestly think this album will be better than Kanye West: Good Ass Job, T.I.: King Uncaged, Eminem: Recovery, and most definitely Drake: Thank Me Later. The only album I hope that this doesn't outshine is Lupe Fiasco: Lasers.

This is my favorite song right here:

And I couldn't leave without letting y'all know some of my favorite lines:

"I build defenses, when I'm left to my devices, time getting suspended more than DMX driver's license, my music is steady not affected by the higher prices, people having sex in the streets like Dionysus." ~ City Playground

"Nigeria is celebrating 50 years of independence, they still feeling the colonial effects of Great Britain's presence." ~Ballad of the Black Gold

"This is a recession, what recession? Dog we been stressing, shit been a mess and we been dealing with this depression since way back. You ain't gotta say that. That's the greatest lesson, slave to our possessions, greed the devil favorite weapon." ~In This World

"Now they on my dick, I should throw a condom on cuz a nigga coming raw like I ain't got one on." (J. Cole) ~Just Begun

Why Not Me?

Once in awhile,
Right in the middle of an ordinary life,
Love gives us a fairy tale.
~ by Anonymous ~

Yesterday while chatting with two of my friends from school (both women) they started talking about their feelings towards the movie Just Wright which stars Common and Queen Latifah. I haven't watched the movie but you can read this review. Also from what I gather from the movie it has a cookie cutter story line but it's still "cute" and the ending is predictable.

Correct me if I'm wrong in the comments section but it goes something like this: Common is on top of the world as a basketball player and his girl (Paula Patton) is his arm candy/fiancée until he gets hurt. Patton who sees her meal ticket running dry dumps him. Queen Latifah gives him the confidence to come back from his injury to play again. Once back in the league Common is back on top of the world and Patton comes back telling him she made a mistake by leaving him. Common takes her back and leaves Queen Latifah high and dry although they have feeling for each other. Common has a sort of epiphany where he realizes the one he truly wants and needs is Queen Latifah, then he makes some sort of grand gesture to show his love for her.

The same type of grand romantic gesture that is littered across black romantic comedies. Hell in most romantic movies period.

This is where my friends asked me why guys why situations like this don't happen in real life. Why don't women ever get that fairy tale ending? The example they cited was in Love and Basketball when Sanaa Lathan played Omar Epps one-on-one for his heart and he beat her. He then asked her to play again, "Double or Nothing." If you don't remember the scene, here is a cilp:

Remember that quote I put at the beginning of this post? If you don't scroll back up (don't worry I'll wait). Now shit like that doesn't happen in real life. For a gesture that grand to made there would have to lots of drama and turmoil surrounding a relationship in the first place. I bet all the women's hearts in the theater skipped a beat during that last scene but they probably failed to realize how much turbulence their relationship endured before it came to the climatic moment. Before women ask themselves why they never experience moments like this they should ask themselves would they be willing to deal with the farce it takes to get to that point.

Let me give you an example of the conversation that would occur if something that happened in Love and Basketball happened in real life:

-Melissa: "Hey girl let me tell you what happened last night with me and Dontrell."

-Bonquisha: "I thought y'all broke up?!"

-Melissa: "Yeah we did. But despite all that happened between us I know we still love each other, so we got some drinks and went to the pool hall. Do you know what this corny n*99a asked me?"

-Bonquisha: "Ohhhh what he say girl?"

-Melissa: "He gonna talk about, "Can I play you for your heart?"

-(as they both bust out laughing) Bonquisha: "Girl that n*99a is wack, you should just go ahead with James. He's not on all that romantical stuff."

Ok, this situation is a little exaggerated but I seriously doubt grand gestures of romanticism go over so well in real life. Trust me I know from personal experience. I would think that women would want a relationship with less drama and a man who wouldn't have to make grand gestures every once in a while because he showed her how much he loved her everyday. I could be wrong though. How about y'all? Ladies do you want sweeping displays of romanticism from your man? Fellas, are you into fairy tale endings?