Fire Sale: Everything Must Go

There comes a point in all our lives (if you have any sense of feeling) where we become emotionally spent. Life is busy and full of challenges, sometimes it's easy to face them and sometimes they take their toll. These challenges can come from any and all directions but I want to focus on how relationships can drain us and the outcome of this is not always positive.

A lot of times when we are expended we just stop giving a fuck. At least I know that's how I can get sometimes. And that's where the title of my post comes in. If you're asking "What pray tell is a fire sale?", it is:

A fire sale is the sale of goods at extremely discounted prices, typically when the seller faces bankruptcy or impending distress.

Now bear with me for a second while I make the correlation between that definition and relationships. Now lets say "goods" are something you possess that under normal circumstances you would hold under high regard. This could be your emotional attachment or even your penis/vagina. Of course the "seller" would be you and "bankruptcy or impending distress" could be that no good dude who you found out slept with your sister, and cousin at the same time or it could be that chick that got ran through by the starting front court of the basketball team while she was in Miami on spring break. Either way that person caused you this emotional duress can cause you to act irrationally.

Speaking from personal experience (because clearly I don't know how women deal with this issue) it's easy for a man while trying to get over heartbreak to become emotionally unattainable and try to take down as many bodies as he can. Nothing reminds you that you are a man quite like having a new woman in your bed. Some may call it a rebound, but I implore any guy to not go this route. This really only provides temporary relief from the real issue at hand and prolongs the process of healing. Like so many things in life, it's important to let the pain flow through [||], instead of trying to numb it like a shot of novocaine.

There lies controversy over who deals with emotional hardship, men or women? The answer to that doesn't necessarily lie in the gender difference as much as who is left feeling like they were wronged. This person is usually the one feeling pained because they probably didn't desire for whatever happened to happen. It's supposed to hurt when you get your feelings damaged. You really don't have to explain it or justify it to anyone but yourself. Accept that you feel pain. Sit with it and explore it. Feel all your feelings. Grief, and that is what heart break is, is cyclic. This means it will come and it will go.

So how do you get over heartbreak or emotional distress? How do you deal with it? Who do you think has a harder time dealing with it, men or women?

***Sidenote: For my Meharry or Nashville readers, I've been asked to sit on a panel for a relationship forum next week (10/25/10). Come through and support Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, Inc., Miss School of Medicine and SNMA.***

***Sidenote (2): I finally remembered my login information for my tumblr account. If any of you have an account I need people to follow. Hit me up. Here's my url: http://thenativeson.tumblr.com/ ***

Man of the House

Hey fellas. Yeah you right there. Let me let you in on a little secret. Well it’s not really a secret but some of you have chose to ignore this fact or you’re just plain ignorant to the obvious. Women like men who take the lead. You don’t believe me? Find the nearest [straight] woman and ask her if she would rather follow a man that is worthy of leading or would she rather make all the decisions. I guarantee you at least 9 times out of 10 her answer is going to be the former.

Now social media, entertainers and even credible news sources will have you believe that this is the age of the independent woman. It’s not hard to hear a song that idealizes the idea that women don’t need us to get what they want and get to where they want in life. The number one anthem is the Destiny’s Child track, Independent Woman. It seems like since this song was released the popular ideology is that women could do without men. This may seem daunting because who wants to be with a woman who thinks she doesn’t need you. The problem with this way of thinking is it’s entirely ass backwards. Regardless of what anyone says or feels men were made to lead and women were made to follow. Based on that last statement I guarantee there are some women that are going to read this and think to themselves; “I’m not following anyone, I’m my own woman (or some variation of that).” Well those women are ass backwards too. They’ve been conditioned to think the role of a man is diminished in their lives. I could get into the reasons for this but that would be another blog post (or 6) in itself, so instead let’s discuss why we should be trying to get back our status as head of the household.

Being a leader is not an easy job. It takes a lot of work. People depend on you. Often times you don’t get enough credit (look at how many restaurants are packed on Mother’s Day versus Father’s Day) and when things go array everyone always looks to the person in charge. To lead is to take on great responsibility. Perhaps that is why so many of us shy away from the task. A lot of us want a lot of the benefits (big piece of the chicken) of being the head of the household but little of the work and accountability. A lot of trust has to be conveyed in order for a woman to submit to a man and follow his lead. In the end she has to know that you can handle your business in times of distress just as well as in times of prosperity. If you haven’t proved that you can handle the small things why would she trust you to handle the big things?

I don’t know how many of you are Christians but I am. If you don’t want to hear or read bible verses then you can skip to the next section. I believe that the bible is a blueprint to our lives. You follow it; maybe not a T but you use it as a guide in your everyday life on your spiritual walk with God. With that being said God intended man to lead. In Ephesians 5: 22-23 the word says:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word...

This right here is the truth. Not only does it say that a woman must submit to her husband but the husband in turn should love his wife in the same way that Christ loved the church. Imagine how much Christ loved the church. A lot right? Almost incomprehensible. In order for a man to expect a woman to submit to him he must first submit to God. In this way when a woman submits to her husband, she is indeed submitting to God. If a man does not have God first in his life then how can he honestly expect anyone to follow him? The chain of command is broken and unordered. Growing up I remember every Sunday morning my father was the first one up getting the family ready for Sunday morning service. It didn’t matter if he was only working off of a couple of hours of sleep because he worked nights. We were in church; rain or shine almost every Sunday.

I know what a lot of you are thinking, “What does he know about anything? He’s not even married or engaged.” If that’s what you were thinking then you are absolutely correct. I’ve never been married or anything close to it. Now here’s my rebuttal. Let’s say you wanted to go to medical school. Would you show up to take the MCAT the day of the test with no preparation or would you take prep courses, study the materials and prepare yourself the best way you can so you can get the scores you want the first time around? The latter is my mind frame towards marriage. I look at the relationship my grandparents had and I take things from that. I also look at the relationship my parents had and know what I don’t want in a marriage. I’m working on becoming the best individual possible so that I can be the best leader that I can be. I’m trying to get it right the first time around.

Believe it or not, Fantasia is the inspiration behind this post. Not what’s happening on in her personal life because I could really care less about that. Her music is my inspiration. There is a track on her new album entitled, Man of the House, which really got me thinking. This line was the one that suck out to me the most because I just couldn’t imagine taking a backseat and letting a woman lead me.

“I’m sick and tired of being the boss for us; this ain’t the kind of love it’s supposed to be. You wanna king of the castle, you wanna be captain; you’re gonna have to work a little bit harder for that to happen.”